Thank goodness... this week is almost over.

It's been a l-o-n-g week. I'm tired. Not as tired as I was last night after class... but for just getting up two hours ago, I'm ready for everyone to leave for school and work. Sam ( my orange cat) and I can cuddle up here and do a whole lot of not much.

Yesterday's doctor visit with the nurse practitioner went okay, but I'm still disappointed with my doctor's office as a whole. After the little guy gets here, I'm not going back to a doctor who thought seeing me once in the last four weeks before a c-section was perfectly alright. I do not like that I had to complain and demand that they review my chart and make some other option available. The 'office manager' basically told me I did the right thing and I'm my best advocate - but at the end of the day - should I have to advocate to this level for care that I am paying to receive? It doesn't help to find out that if I had not made a big deal out of it they would have been forced to squeeze two visits into one week so that they met the minimum number of prenatal visits to get the full 4k fee. I helped them make more money... what that heck???

Okay, I'm letting it go for now. Two weeks from now the little guy will be here and none of it will matter anymore.

I've only got two more weeks of my Ethics class too. I've got a paper to start working on, two more chapters to read and a presentation to do the day before the c-section. You could say I like living on the edge... or that I can't seem to stop spreading myself too thin... but I've waited years to finish this degree and I'm not getting any younger. I didn't plan on a surgical delivery so there's my blind spot on this one.

This weekend is supposed to be busy but maybe, just maybe I'll have nursery photos when I'm done. There's a 'county clean-up' tomorrow that should give me back a chunk of garage space too. YEA!

Well, scratch that do nothing... got to go rescue the oldest boy with the bum car. urgh.....

Pondered thoughts....

I know what I need.

I know I have every right to have it.

I am not sure why I need to ask for it.

I expect it to go badly though, if I do say anything.

I've had a c-section before... unexpectedly. I remember not being able to sit up for hours and not getting to eat, not being allowed to sleep, no one thinking that it might be uncomfortable to try to heal with a room full of people chatting as if I were not trapped on my back with a catheter and iv tethering me in place. Not to mention the whole nursing my child with seven people watching my every move. Oh yes, good memories.

Do I really have to ask for a few hours to rest, the chance to hold my own son, and a bit of privacy immediately following a rather vulnerable medical procedure?

If I could send out an open letter...
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The day is nearing fast and we are so looking forward to Zachary's arrival. As you might imagine though, we are not looking forward to the surgery and recovery to follow. We have some experience to help us prepare for the times ahead. It's perhaps a common surgery and both of us were born by c-section, however it is still major surgery and the recovery is not as quick, nor as easy as natural delivery.

We know this day is eagerly awaited by more than just us and that leads us to this email. We understand that many of you might want to be there 'the minute' he's born and to hold him as soon as possible and get to know our new family member. Honestly we do too! The surgery complicates things.
We have no desire to hurt or offend, however we are asking that there be no visitors during the actual surgery, initial time in recovery, or during the first few hours while we are waiting for the anesthesia effects to pass.
Once Elizabeth is able to sit up a bit and hold Zachary herself, then we welcome your visits to the hospital. If we get an early OR time, we should be up to visitors by lunch or late lunchtime. We won't know for certain until the day and will let everyone know.
We will send out first photos and all the weight, length, finger, toe stats by text message and email as soon as we are moved to a postpartum room. If all goes well we'll try to fit in a few brief phone calls as well. Matthew has made arrangements to call both Grandparents in North Carolina in the hour that they take Zach to the nursery so that he can personally share the news with them.
Providing there are no complications, day two of our hospital stay should allow for longer visits.
One final note... no cameras please.
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There would be huge fallout . Hurt feelings swirling all around b/c We don't understand this is a first baby on his side of the family. We should let them see Zach from the first moment and if I'm 4th or 5th in line to hold my own son... what's the big deal? They are only there to help so I can sleep. (I don't sleep in public, in a car, on a plane, in anyone's living room, never could even as a child).
Lastly I should let them take all the photos they want. If I've never seen the photos they took at our wedding, does it matter? If photos were taken of my daughter w/o anyone even telling me the day they were taken, it shouldn't make me uncomfortable. (the first time they ever interacted with her besides the wedding no less).
My physical and emotional needs are something less than everyone else's... again.

So I'm thinking...

...and that can be dangerous.

We are supposed to choose the baby's birthday next doctor's visit. I'm not sure about this. There's a couple thoughts running through my head.

First - my doctor has gotten on my last pregnant nerve. We had our ultrasound June 12th, waited until July 3rd for a review and we got... 'looks normal'.

Nice... um, details please. Baby measured bigger than expected... knew that from the u/s I saw it on the screen. Doc glossed over and had to be prompted to read it chart again. Would he tell us approximately how big the baby was the day of the u/s? No. I didn't get so much as placenta is high, low, good place... no mention of good amniotic fluid level. Just.... everything looks normal.

Hi... remember me? I'm the patient paying 4k for prenatal care. Could I have some care please? He's not the attentive doctor he was some 12 years ago or even the same as what I saw two years ago.

Then he says, we'll schedule the delivery next visit, but remind him because he might forget. (What, can't write it in the chart?) If I don't remind him will they tell me I can't have the little guy because the doc's schedule is full?

So now, I'm thinking.

And you know, I could pick a date that is 'open on the doc's calendar' and the little guy could choose his own birthday.... like normal babies. hmmmmm?