I do so like the doctor who put in Zachary's tubes. He was gentle and kind and patient, answered my questions and made sure I felt comfortable before they took the little guy back.
Honestly, I don't know enough about how it's done elsewhere, but the part where they don't intubate, they don't put in an iv, but just use a small mask with anesthesia and he woke up within minutes of them taking it off, made it more bearable.
Years ago, the same doctor removed a benign vascular hemangioma from the back of Emily's head and he was just as wonderful then. They did have to intubate back then for that and it was three hours before I got my 11 month old back. I forgot how much fear there is when you hand over your child and put your trust in in medicine. When you chose the best doctors you can though, it's less frightening.
Rather than being cranky as was expected... he's just been bouncing off the walls...
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tomorrow... Next week.
Tomorrow they will put tubes in Zachary's ears. Then maybe I'll be able to go to work next week. Or I hope to. More importantly - Zachy will feel better, not be sick for once in three months and I won't worry so much about his hearing and speech.
One week from Saturday I'll graduate from John Brown University. It's taken me very nearly twenty years, three colleges and I'm just now getting my bachelors degree. I'm not graduating with honors like my associate's degree, but still it's an accomplishment I've worked hard to earn. I think all the kids will make it this time, but I'm getting the impression, that's all that will besides Matthew. This time next year I'll be there for his graduation too. (and he will graduate with honors or at the very least "distinction") He will likely graduate with his sister and brother-in-law and that means his family will all make it. I'm more proud of him than me anyway so it's good.
It's nearly the 15th of December again... I need to get a wreath for my mother's grave and take the baby to set it out. He doesn't need to understand where we are going or anything - just so she will know I brought her grandbaby to see her and even though it's not like taking him to see his other grandmas... she's still his grandma.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get a pic up of our tree and a new Zachary shot, maybe if he lets me. It's a crazy life home with him and trying to keep up with work and all the things I just can't let slide.
One week from Saturday I'll graduate from John Brown University. It's taken me very nearly twenty years, three colleges and I'm just now getting my bachelors degree. I'm not graduating with honors like my associate's degree, but still it's an accomplishment I've worked hard to earn. I think all the kids will make it this time, but I'm getting the impression, that's all that will besides Matthew. This time next year I'll be there for his graduation too. (and he will graduate with honors or at the very least "distinction") He will likely graduate with his sister and brother-in-law and that means his family will all make it. I'm more proud of him than me anyway so it's good.
It's nearly the 15th of December again... I need to get a wreath for my mother's grave and take the baby to set it out. He doesn't need to understand where we are going or anything - just so she will know I brought her grandbaby to see her and even though it's not like taking him to see his other grandmas... she's still his grandma.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get a pic up of our tree and a new Zachary shot, maybe if he lets me. It's a crazy life home with him and trying to keep up with work and all the things I just can't let slide.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
15 years....
I am a motherless child...
for fifteen years...
that is what Christamas means...
I am a motherless child.
there is nothing less or more to say.
It is what I am.
I miss her. She that never really loved me...
I miss her.
Please forgive me.
I miss my mother.
Not who she was, but who she was supoosed to be and the one who loved my kids before she left.
Love is all that is left and I miss her so.
for fifteen years...
that is what Christamas means...
I am a motherless child.
there is nothing less or more to say.
It is what I am.
I miss her. She that never really loved me...
I miss her.
Please forgive me.
I miss my mother.
Not who she was, but who she was supoosed to be and the one who loved my kids before she left.
Love is all that is left and I miss her so.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
My little monkey....
Has been sick for weeks now. He had an ear infection at his one year checkup and then another one when we went back for the recheck and now he's possibly allergic to the antibiotic the doc prescribed. So we are on our third antibiotic, and I've not been to work in almost a week.
He's the happiest sick baby I've ever met, but seriously, he's got to get better sometime.
He's the happiest sick baby I've ever met, but seriously, he's got to get better sometime.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The way I see it...
I'm an optimistic, peace-making, keep trying, compromising, okay kind of person.
I look for the best in people and when I just don't understand, I think... there must be something so I should try harder to understand. Sure there's tons of people not worth my efforts, but to let one slip by that is worth that benefit of doubt would be wrong for me.
People are fairly simple yet terribly complex. At least I think they are... or maybe just I am... who knows.
Anyway. I want the world to be a nicer place, eh? And you know what they say? If you want the world to be a nicer place... make it a nicer place and you will live the nicer place you wanted. Sounds good, is darned hard and yet... Here I am. Still trying to make it a nicer place. Starting of course with good old me. May not be able to change the world... but can always change your perspective, outlook, reactions, what you bring to the world's table. When you're done there, you've changed a little tiny bit of the world and if you are lucky, that change is for the better.
I'd like to think what I bring is a bit of laughter, a lot of love, and everything I've got.
It seems like it's never enough, but it's all I've got, it's just going to have to do.
I do not understand bitterness as it were... Will it make the world a better place? (nope) Will it make you happy? (not likely) Will it ease the hurt you may be feeling. (I don't think so) So then what will it get you? If what it gets you is not what you want... pour that energy into something you do want... like joy or laughter or even simple peace.
I live with bitterness though - not my own - and it steals my joy. I want to happy regardless... but when you watch someone you love dearly - make themselves miserable because of bitterness and you are caught in their angst.... joy just doesn't have that great of a chance to survive.
Being caught in the cross-hairs of someones self inflicted misery is not something I wish on anyone. It hurts and you're basically powerless. Unless of course you are that uber strong person who says - okay you want to be miserable? then do it alone... I'm outta here. (some would say strong, others would say cold as ice or selfish, I dunno... I think somewhere in between) It's just not in me though... I just keep trying for that better place thing and wonder ... will I always fail or is there hope. There's got to be hope though... so I soldier on.
It's looking though like it's taking a path I don't want to travel. I've seen this movie you could say. It doesn't end well.
The bitterness is giving way to selfishness, meanness, and double standards.
and I don't have a clue what to do from here.
I look for the best in people and when I just don't understand, I think... there must be something so I should try harder to understand. Sure there's tons of people not worth my efforts, but to let one slip by that is worth that benefit of doubt would be wrong for me.
People are fairly simple yet terribly complex. At least I think they are... or maybe just I am... who knows.
Anyway. I want the world to be a nicer place, eh? And you know what they say? If you want the world to be a nicer place... make it a nicer place and you will live the nicer place you wanted. Sounds good, is darned hard and yet... Here I am. Still trying to make it a nicer place. Starting of course with good old me. May not be able to change the world... but can always change your perspective, outlook, reactions, what you bring to the world's table. When you're done there, you've changed a little tiny bit of the world and if you are lucky, that change is for the better.
I'd like to think what I bring is a bit of laughter, a lot of love, and everything I've got.
It seems like it's never enough, but it's all I've got, it's just going to have to do.
I do not understand bitterness as it were... Will it make the world a better place? (nope) Will it make you happy? (not likely) Will it ease the hurt you may be feeling. (I don't think so) So then what will it get you? If what it gets you is not what you want... pour that energy into something you do want... like joy or laughter or even simple peace.
I live with bitterness though - not my own - and it steals my joy. I want to happy regardless... but when you watch someone you love dearly - make themselves miserable because of bitterness and you are caught in their angst.... joy just doesn't have that great of a chance to survive.
Being caught in the cross-hairs of someones self inflicted misery is not something I wish on anyone. It hurts and you're basically powerless. Unless of course you are that uber strong person who says - okay you want to be miserable? then do it alone... I'm outta here. (some would say strong, others would say cold as ice or selfish, I dunno... I think somewhere in between) It's just not in me though... I just keep trying for that better place thing and wonder ... will I always fail or is there hope. There's got to be hope though... so I soldier on.
It's looking though like it's taking a path I don't want to travel. I've seen this movie you could say. It doesn't end well.
The bitterness is giving way to selfishness, meanness, and double standards.
and I don't have a clue what to do from here.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
House and Home... Family and Friends... JDRF
House & Home...
I'm sitting here while they lay carpet in my a good bit of my house. I've spent the last week painting, pulling up the old carpet, prepping the floors and trying to keep things somewhat tidy. I've not been this tired in a long time. At first it was cleaning... getting all the furniture out of the rooms. Then it was prime spots that needed a bit more care. I've climbed up and down the ladder way too many times, but it had to be done. It was maybe more work than I realized it was going to be. Once I got started I just kept going - I can rest later.
I didn't do anything drastic. We have creamy walls that most people would think are booooring these days, but I'm a neutral wall color with soft accent kind of person. We don't have big rooms anyway and dark colors can make them seem smaller if done wrong. I don't care what they say on HGTV the popular dark colored walls make rooms look smaller when you stuff them full of furniture. Besides with the number of people living here, all their stuff, we get crowded easy. The living room though... I'm hoping to paint with a color. I just didn't have the time/money to get it done before the carpet. I think I'll be able to do it next month, I'll just get some of that carpet protecting stick-down drop cloth to prevent any lasting ooopses.
If I had 10k I'd have gone wood floors... :) Nice carpet will do me just fine though. It's a pretty fluffy carpet that I'll feel tons better about Zachy crawling around on. We had put a big rug over the living room floor so he had something soft and clean to crawl on for a while now. The rug will likely end up in the dining area now.
The older kids have been living a bit like vagabonds with their dressers in the garage. Every morning the trek out there to get clothes and such... hanging stuff got to stay in their closets though. (okay I painted the rooms not the closets... can't I do that later?). I still have a built in drawer project to do in the funny alcove that they put in the kids rooms. It may be a bit before I get that done. I've always got more to do... and when I run out of inside projects... there's always the poor neglected yard.
It's a long time coming. I really started this project a year ago, while working on Zach's nursery. Money was tight though and when we made the decision for Matthew to stay home with the little guy for a year - our remodel projects got put on hold. I was more important that our little one be well cared for, snug at home with the best Dad in the world. (I jokingly call him a lousey housewife... cause pushing dust around, washing laundry and dishes are not his thing. On the other hand he is an AWESOME Dad - I think that's a good trade :) Matthew goes back to work in less than a month now and the little guy will attend a church daycare where he'll be able to socialize and grow even more.
Family & Friends...
Matthew's Grandparents are in town for a visit... and for the JDRF Walk tomorrow. It's their first time to see the little man and we've not seen them since our wedding. He has the most amazing grandparents too. They are warm wonderful people who don't care that the house is in the midst of remodel they just want to see their grandson and great-grandson.
Yesterday they got a rare chance to take not only Matthew and Zachary out for the day... but Matthew's sister April was able to join them. I was working most of the day - but it has been years and years since Grandpa and Grandma had a day with just their grand kids. They've only have the two, April and Matthew... and now Zachary. So it was good all around.
They went to the outdoor mall that was built a few years ago and there's a carousel in the food pavilion.
I was able to join them for lunch a got some pictures.
Daddy... what are we doing?
Zachary, Matthew, & April
Tonight will be dinner and an early birthday party for Zachary. He's a month out from a full year, but they'll only be here this week. Matthew's mom balked at first, but it's not about gifts or anything... it's a cake and one little boy making what will probably the most delightful mess. Once in a lifetime moments you just don't pass up.
Tomorrow we will go to the walk and while the weather may not fully cooperate, the walk takes place rain or shine. In the 17+ years that Matthew has been a type1 diabetic, he's never had a family team for the walk. After last year, I promised myself we'd change that. I could not imagine though that we would have four generations walking for him this year. I'm ever so grateful. We raised a decent amount too. If there is ever to be a cure, I believe JDRF will be on the forefront of finding it. They are the only 'organization' that I know of that manages to put 85% of every dollar raised directly into research. The other 15% is used to operate local chapters that offer support and education.
This post is longer than I planned but who wants to stick to plan... when there's so much life out there?
I'm sitting here while they lay carpet in my a good bit of my house. I've spent the last week painting, pulling up the old carpet, prepping the floors and trying to keep things somewhat tidy. I've not been this tired in a long time. At first it was cleaning... getting all the furniture out of the rooms. Then it was prime spots that needed a bit more care. I've climbed up and down the ladder way too many times, but it had to be done. It was maybe more work than I realized it was going to be. Once I got started I just kept going - I can rest later.
I didn't do anything drastic. We have creamy walls that most people would think are booooring these days, but I'm a neutral wall color with soft accent kind of person. We don't have big rooms anyway and dark colors can make them seem smaller if done wrong. I don't care what they say on HGTV the popular dark colored walls make rooms look smaller when you stuff them full of furniture. Besides with the number of people living here, all their stuff, we get crowded easy. The living room though... I'm hoping to paint with a color. I just didn't have the time/money to get it done before the carpet. I think I'll be able to do it next month, I'll just get some of that carpet protecting stick-down drop cloth to prevent any lasting ooopses.
If I had 10k I'd have gone wood floors... :) Nice carpet will do me just fine though. It's a pretty fluffy carpet that I'll feel tons better about Zachy crawling around on. We had put a big rug over the living room floor so he had something soft and clean to crawl on for a while now. The rug will likely end up in the dining area now.
The older kids have been living a bit like vagabonds with their dressers in the garage. Every morning the trek out there to get clothes and such... hanging stuff got to stay in their closets though. (okay I painted the rooms not the closets... can't I do that later?). I still have a built in drawer project to do in the funny alcove that they put in the kids rooms. It may be a bit before I get that done. I've always got more to do... and when I run out of inside projects... there's always the poor neglected yard.
It's a long time coming. I really started this project a year ago, while working on Zach's nursery. Money was tight though and when we made the decision for Matthew to stay home with the little guy for a year - our remodel projects got put on hold. I was more important that our little one be well cared for, snug at home with the best Dad in the world. (I jokingly call him a lousey housewife... cause pushing dust around, washing laundry and dishes are not his thing. On the other hand he is an AWESOME Dad - I think that's a good trade :) Matthew goes back to work in less than a month now and the little guy will attend a church daycare where he'll be able to socialize and grow even more.
Family & Friends...
Matthew's Grandparents are in town for a visit... and for the JDRF Walk tomorrow. It's their first time to see the little man and we've not seen them since our wedding. He has the most amazing grandparents too. They are warm wonderful people who don't care that the house is in the midst of remodel they just want to see their grandson and great-grandson.
Yesterday they got a rare chance to take not only Matthew and Zachary out for the day... but Matthew's sister April was able to join them. I was working most of the day - but it has been years and years since Grandpa and Grandma had a day with just their grand kids. They've only have the two, April and Matthew... and now Zachary. So it was good all around.
They went to the outdoor mall that was built a few years ago and there's a carousel in the food pavilion.
I was able to join them for lunch a got some pictures.
Daddy... what are we doing?
Zachary, Matthew, & AprilTonight will be dinner and an early birthday party for Zachary. He's a month out from a full year, but they'll only be here this week. Matthew's mom balked at first, but it's not about gifts or anything... it's a cake and one little boy making what will probably the most delightful mess. Once in a lifetime moments you just don't pass up.
Tomorrow we will go to the walk and while the weather may not fully cooperate, the walk takes place rain or shine. In the 17+ years that Matthew has been a type1 diabetic, he's never had a family team for the walk. After last year, I promised myself we'd change that. I could not imagine though that we would have four generations walking for him this year. I'm ever so grateful. We raised a decent amount too. If there is ever to be a cure, I believe JDRF will be on the forefront of finding it. They are the only 'organization' that I know of that manages to put 85% of every dollar raised directly into research. The other 15% is used to operate local chapters that offer support and education.
This post is longer than I planned but who wants to stick to plan... when there's so much life out there?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I read blogs...
A lot of them. Some I just happened upon one day and others I looked for.
I am just one person in a great big world and I am reminded that perspective is everything on a regular basis... maybe that's what keeps me reading when I don't even have time to write in my own blog.
I'm touched by the simple joy that others find, heartbroken by their struggles, and inspired by their strength in difficult times. For all that I find myself drawing inward to my own life - I am a people person.
I don't always think on my own to breathe and take heart. I find that reminder in reading the bogs of some truly amazing people I'm blessed to have found in this great big world.
Even when life seems overwhelming and difficult as it does right this minute... there are so many good things to hold onto, to treasure, grown and stand by.
It's been a far too busy few weeks that are running one into another. Not all that needs done is getting done and I'm god awful tired. But I don't want to complain. I have too much good in my life to waste time complaining. Still I would love a bit of sleep... I'm just saying.
I would love a quiet few days without frantic get 'something' done. Yet honestly - I'd probably just find something that needs done and poof that quiet few days would be gone and I'd be doing it to myself. I've never been one to just let life go... I'm in the thick of it trying to make it clean, tidy, good, better, shared, stored, and purposeful.
I think sometimes life's purpose though, is to just be savored like a good book.
Look back a moment, forward another and stand very still... in that quiet moment just be... and be well. Be happy. Be kind. Be helpful. Be thankful. Be loved. And honestly if it's real and honest and unavoidable... Be overwhelmed... just for a moment be true to your self. Look at life from a head-on perspective and know... this is how it is... just now. Then remember it will not always be so... it will be better sometimes and probably even worse others... but it will all pass.
And if you get a moment pour it out in words so you can reflect on it one day and know where you've been as you look to where you are headed and find where you are.
~simple foolish me babbling along maybe I should have been named Brooke.
I am just one person in a great big world and I am reminded that perspective is everything on a regular basis... maybe that's what keeps me reading when I don't even have time to write in my own blog.
I'm touched by the simple joy that others find, heartbroken by their struggles, and inspired by their strength in difficult times. For all that I find myself drawing inward to my own life - I am a people person.
I don't always think on my own to breathe and take heart. I find that reminder in reading the bogs of some truly amazing people I'm blessed to have found in this great big world.
Even when life seems overwhelming and difficult as it does right this minute... there are so many good things to hold onto, to treasure, grown and stand by.
It's been a far too busy few weeks that are running one into another. Not all that needs done is getting done and I'm god awful tired. But I don't want to complain. I have too much good in my life to waste time complaining. Still I would love a bit of sleep... I'm just saying.
I would love a quiet few days without frantic get 'something' done. Yet honestly - I'd probably just find something that needs done and poof that quiet few days would be gone and I'd be doing it to myself. I've never been one to just let life go... I'm in the thick of it trying to make it clean, tidy, good, better, shared, stored, and purposeful.
I think sometimes life's purpose though, is to just be savored like a good book.
Look back a moment, forward another and stand very still... in that quiet moment just be... and be well. Be happy. Be kind. Be helpful. Be thankful. Be loved. And honestly if it's real and honest and unavoidable... Be overwhelmed... just for a moment be true to your self. Look at life from a head-on perspective and know... this is how it is... just now. Then remember it will not always be so... it will be better sometimes and probably even worse others... but it will all pass.
And if you get a moment pour it out in words so you can reflect on it one day and know where you've been as you look to where you are headed and find where you are.
~simple foolish me babbling along maybe I should have been named Brooke.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Weekends are for relaxing right...
Not so much when you've got family to bail out of jail (sadly this is true) and things to do!
I ended up with a speeding ticket I didn't need on top of everything. It's all my own fault for getting a ticket. I was following and trying to keep up. I know better and should have just maintained my own pace and got there when I got there. I let fear get the best of me though. I had just plunked down my family's grocery money to bail out my sister and I had to get it back if we were meant to eat for the next two weeks. If I didn't keep up with her... I had no way to get back what I couldn't afford to lose... or so my mind was thinking at the time. I could have been twenty minutes later and saved myself a ticket - and I feel kind of stupid for it.
When we chose to live off a single income for a year -we knew it meant a tighter than tight budget, but it was for baby Z to be able to stay at home at least for his first year. Shelling out our grocery money right now was not an option. Shelling out ticket money isn't ideal either. I've got two months and it's payable. I was sort of saving up for a dream though...
Oh well, In the end I got my grocery money back and left my sister to sort out her problems.
Some things just did not get done this weekend. The grass - did not get mowed. I didn't get the jeep in for an oil change. I didn't get my Sam's trip in. The laundry... we are still washing. The house got picked up but I didn't get the floors mopped/vacuumed/whatever and I'm not likely to find time for them until next weekend.
I did, I hope, finalize our shirt for the JDRF Walk in September. Big YEA if Matthew approves.
I ended up with a speeding ticket I didn't need on top of everything. It's all my own fault for getting a ticket. I was following and trying to keep up. I know better and should have just maintained my own pace and got there when I got there. I let fear get the best of me though. I had just plunked down my family's grocery money to bail out my sister and I had to get it back if we were meant to eat for the next two weeks. If I didn't keep up with her... I had no way to get back what I couldn't afford to lose... or so my mind was thinking at the time. I could have been twenty minutes later and saved myself a ticket - and I feel kind of stupid for it.
When we chose to live off a single income for a year -we knew it meant a tighter than tight budget, but it was for baby Z to be able to stay at home at least for his first year. Shelling out our grocery money right now was not an option. Shelling out ticket money isn't ideal either. I've got two months and it's payable. I was sort of saving up for a dream though...
Oh well, In the end I got my grocery money back and left my sister to sort out her problems.
Some things just did not get done this weekend. The grass - did not get mowed. I didn't get the jeep in for an oil change. I didn't get my Sam's trip in. The laundry... we are still washing. The house got picked up but I didn't get the floors mopped/vacuumed/whatever and I'm not likely to find time for them until next weekend.
I did, I hope, finalize our shirt for the JDRF Walk in September. Big YEA if Matthew approves.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Busy few days
Last Thursday was my Capstone presentation for JBU. I'm technically officially done with college. Only took me 20 years... three schools and a whole lot of work. I don't walk until December though, so I'm done, but not done.
My oldest sister came back to Arkansas for a visit over the weekend and I got to see my niece and nephew. They are really great kids. (almost grownup kids, wow) I love it when they visit and it's always sad when they leave.
My dad is being sent to Little Rock for tests and possibly surgery. Seems like once we rule out two cancers we are now dealing with something called Barrett's esophagus and displaysia ( so we have a third cancer risk now) May be simple laser treatment, maybe more in-depth, who knows. So I pray that the unknown is manageable either way.
Had Baby Z's 9 month check up Monday. He's 22.5 pounds of bounding energy and 28 inches tall! He cut his first two teeth finally on Thursday too. I would declare him an official nibbler too. He seems fascinated by the new pearly whites.
I'm contemplating a job change. Don't know if I'll even get an interview, but I put my name in for it anyway. It would be project management rather than technical like I do now. The bonus would be getting working with a group that I used to work with and having a mac again. I'm hopeful anyway. Girl can dream, can't she?
Life is otherwise busy with fund-raising for the NWA JDRF walk in September. I'd love to raise a $1000 but I set my goal at 250 because I just don't know if I can get more. I'm working on the Corporate team as well as our family team so maybe it balances out. Wal-Mart has sponsored the walk for years, but we've not had a corporate wide team.
And that's my busy life... full, blessed, dramatic, simple, beautiful, and a gift.
My oldest sister came back to Arkansas for a visit over the weekend and I got to see my niece and nephew. They are really great kids. (almost grownup kids, wow) I love it when they visit and it's always sad when they leave.
My dad is being sent to Little Rock for tests and possibly surgery. Seems like once we rule out two cancers we are now dealing with something called Barrett's esophagus and displaysia ( so we have a third cancer risk now) May be simple laser treatment, maybe more in-depth, who knows. So I pray that the unknown is manageable either way.
Had Baby Z's 9 month check up Monday. He's 22.5 pounds of bounding energy and 28 inches tall! He cut his first two teeth finally on Thursday too. I would declare him an official nibbler too. He seems fascinated by the new pearly whites.
I'm contemplating a job change. Don't know if I'll even get an interview, but I put my name in for it anyway. It would be project management rather than technical like I do now. The bonus would be getting working with a group that I used to work with and having a mac again. I'm hopeful anyway. Girl can dream, can't she?
Life is otherwise busy with fund-raising for the NWA JDRF walk in September. I'd love to raise a $1000 but I set my goal at 250 because I just don't know if I can get more. I'm working on the Corporate team as well as our family team so maybe it balances out. Wal-Mart has sponsored the walk for years, but we've not had a corporate wide team.
And that's my busy life... full, blessed, dramatic, simple, beautiful, and a gift.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
sleep would be lovely...
Life just doesn't always work out that way. Choices made, realities accepted.. another time, another day... one day maybe... maybe... please?
Until then, make peace, wake up early and just don't think about when you get no sleep but when you must awaken and they continue to sleep - it's okay... okay?
Until then, make peace, wake up early and just don't think about when you get no sleep but when you must awaken and they continue to sleep - it's okay... okay?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Two days and other babble
In two days I will present my not yet finalized capstone project and bid a sad farewell to the John Brown University BIS program. I'm not ready for this to end. I've not even done as well as I'd hoped. I've given it my best with everything else going on in my life.
I want to get my masters next but when to do it... so I'll just have to hold onto that wish for a while.
It was a hard decision just to go back to school this time. I am torn between my family that I love more than anything and the desire to learn in a formal setting. My kids need me to be here. I have to work of course so we have a home and the things we need day to day. I have to have my kids. That sounds a bit odd I suppose, but being their mom is as much a need as a responsibility. I never wanted to live through them. I just want to be there as they grow and learn and become who they are meant to be.
I not your typical parent by the way. I've got all these rules like a real mom... but then I think life is a choose your own adventure thing - so I want my kids to do just that. Some people tell me it's not enough structure, and others just don't get it. If they want to do silly things - and it won't hurt anyone - I say do it! My kids would tell you I'm tough anyway - so maybe there's balance.
I'm naturally feeling a bit lost these days. A chapter is closing and I'm not sure where I'm headed.
This is what makes life a joy. The smallest skill learned is HUGE. He's afraid of nothing, so open and it takes so little to make him laugh.
The rest of life... going is a bit hard right now... but maybe that's my own fault... and a different blog.
I want to get my masters next but when to do it... so I'll just have to hold onto that wish for a while.
It was a hard decision just to go back to school this time. I am torn between my family that I love more than anything and the desire to learn in a formal setting. My kids need me to be here. I have to work of course so we have a home and the things we need day to day. I have to have my kids. That sounds a bit odd I suppose, but being their mom is as much a need as a responsibility. I never wanted to live through them. I just want to be there as they grow and learn and become who they are meant to be.
I not your typical parent by the way. I've got all these rules like a real mom... but then I think life is a choose your own adventure thing - so I want my kids to do just that. Some people tell me it's not enough structure, and others just don't get it. If they want to do silly things - and it won't hurt anyone - I say do it! My kids would tell you I'm tough anyway - so maybe there's balance.
I'm naturally feeling a bit lost these days. A chapter is closing and I'm not sure where I'm headed.
~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~
Baby Zach is growing so much right now. Two weeks ago he started trying to pull himself up and now he crawls all over the living room pulling himself up on the sofa, then down and crawl to the chair or the coffee table... round and round. It's amazing how much energy he has.Speaking of growing munchkins...
This is what makes life a joy. The smallest skill learned is HUGE. He's afraid of nothing, so open and it takes so little to make him laugh.
~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~.~~
The rest of life... going is a bit hard right now... but maybe that's my own fault... and a different blog.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sematics or principle or just plain meaness
I am really not sure what my problem is... but here's where I'm coming from today.
Fifteen years ago today - My sister (then 6 months pregnant with her second child) married a man who is leagally still married to her, even though she left him and three children after less than three years of marriage.
Now it's her life... only she can live that life. This I'm good with.
It's the part where she posts on a social network board that 15 years ago she became a wife and mentions till death do us part... yet every year files taxes as single/head of household.
hmmm is it the semantics of became a wife - that floors me the most.... or the part where after having left this family she began... and having said man she married adopt her first born and continue to raise three children as a single dad... she hooked up a time or two with various relationships resulting in another child (who is now 4 1/2) and to me.... that's not a wife.
She now lives with my Dad, unemployed, raising the last munchkin for the most part.
And all I can think is if you don't hold to the action part of the commitment... don't crow about the accumulated years...
So it could be principle... and you know, I'm not beyond thinking... I could just be a mean person and I should forthwith commence praying for my soul because
A) I like the word forthwith (I'm not sure I spelled that right)
B) I should be more open-minded/kind hearted
C) I have no right to judge (this is all too true)
D) Maybe it was better for the kids... she always said it was.
I don't know, but I just had to get that off my chest.
I shall go stand in the corner now and think about what I've said...
Fifteen years ago today - My sister (then 6 months pregnant with her second child) married a man who is leagally still married to her, even though she left him and three children after less than three years of marriage.
Now it's her life... only she can live that life. This I'm good with.
It's the part where she posts on a social network board that 15 years ago she became a wife and mentions till death do us part... yet every year files taxes as single/head of household.
hmmm is it the semantics of became a wife - that floors me the most.... or the part where after having left this family she began... and having said man she married adopt her first born and continue to raise three children as a single dad... she hooked up a time or two with various relationships resulting in another child (who is now 4 1/2) and to me.... that's not a wife.
She now lives with my Dad, unemployed, raising the last munchkin for the most part.
And all I can think is if you don't hold to the action part of the commitment... don't crow about the accumulated years...
So it could be principle... and you know, I'm not beyond thinking... I could just be a mean person and I should forthwith commence praying for my soul because
A) I like the word forthwith (I'm not sure I spelled that right)
B) I should be more open-minded/kind hearted
C) I have no right to judge (this is all too true)
D) Maybe it was better for the kids... she always said it was.
I don't know, but I just had to get that off my chest.
I shall go stand in the corner now and think about what I've said...
Saturday, June 20, 2009
What a week
Sunday my oldest Sister came for a visit and stayed until early Thursday. It was the first time she'd gotten to meet Zachary. It was wonderful to see her and she will be back hopefully in August and with my niece and nephew.
We spent Monday visiting my Dad and other sister at his house. Then Tuesday we were up at the Veteran's hospital while my dad had an endoscopy done. Wednesday I had to go back to work and she was going to go home that morning. As a sweet surprise though she stayed the extra day and babysat so Matthew and I could go out for dinner. Zachary took to his Aunt Missa as if she's been here since day one. It was sweet how he watch her every time she walked in the room and even fell asleep when she was holding him.
Up to now, we'd never left Zachary with anyone... we don't have a babysitter. Since Matthew stays home with him for now, he's always with at least one of us. So naturally our dinner out was filled with conversation about the little guy. At the end of the year, Matthew is supposed to go back to work and I still don't know what it's going to be like.
Thursday night during class break - Zachary met his Aunt April for the very first time. It was sweet and sad all at the same time. (drama for another blog, eh?). It was long overdue and he really seemed to like her.
It's all in a week I guess...
We spent Monday visiting my Dad and other sister at his house. Then Tuesday we were up at the Veteran's hospital while my dad had an endoscopy done. Wednesday I had to go back to work and she was going to go home that morning. As a sweet surprise though she stayed the extra day and babysat so Matthew and I could go out for dinner. Zachary took to his Aunt Missa as if she's been here since day one. It was sweet how he watch her every time she walked in the room and even fell asleep when she was holding him.
Up to now, we'd never left Zachary with anyone... we don't have a babysitter. Since Matthew stays home with him for now, he's always with at least one of us. So naturally our dinner out was filled with conversation about the little guy. At the end of the year, Matthew is supposed to go back to work and I still don't know what it's going to be like.
Thursday night during class break - Zachary met his Aunt April for the very first time. It was sweet and sad all at the same time. (drama for another blog, eh?). It was long overdue and he really seemed to like her.
It's all in a week I guess...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
My busy life
I've just ended my week with the night pager. (yea!) It's been my worst pager week yet and I'm grateful not to get it back for eight weeks. I have to wonder... what I was thinking getting into IT. I originally wanted to be a teacher but didn't think it would pay well enough to support my family. The hours would have been more predictable and weeks like this, predictability sounds sooo good. Honestly it's still the long range plan. To get my masters so I can teach... sometime in the next 10 years or so.
I'm still taking two bible classes that I need to finish my bachelors degree at JBU. July 16 - I'm done with classes. I'll have to pick up a pe/health credit somewhere and then walk in December. It's only a 20 year project coming to a close. While that makes me feel a bit old, I'm as old as I'm becuase that's when I was born and there's nothing to change it.
My Sebie just turned 18 anyway. He's gone for the summer... maybe longer... I worry. I just don't know. But I've got to believe in him and hope for the best.
My oldest sister will be here Sunday!!!! My house is not clean and there's no time before she gets here. She will not care one bit, but I always do. Oh well. I will just be so glad to see her! She's never met Zachary so that will be wonderful. I might get to see my niece and nephew too. I sure hope so. I have awesome nieces and nephews for the most part. I love having them all together.
Life is busy, ever so busy. Not too shabby though.
I'm still taking two bible classes that I need to finish my bachelors degree at JBU. July 16 - I'm done with classes. I'll have to pick up a pe/health credit somewhere and then walk in December. It's only a 20 year project coming to a close. While that makes me feel a bit old, I'm as old as I'm becuase that's when I was born and there's nothing to change it.
My Sebie just turned 18 anyway. He's gone for the summer... maybe longer... I worry. I just don't know. But I've got to believe in him and hope for the best.
My oldest sister will be here Sunday!!!! My house is not clean and there's no time before she gets here. She will not care one bit, but I always do. Oh well. I will just be so glad to see her! She's never met Zachary so that will be wonderful. I might get to see my niece and nephew too. I sure hope so. I have awesome nieces and nephews for the most part. I love having them all together.
Life is busy, ever so busy. Not too shabby though.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
A quiet moment
I've had a few quiet moments to catch up on the blogs I follow... to have a good cry... and now to maybe write a bit myself.
Life is truly a journey and there's much along the way. Some of it is blissfully wonderful, and some of it just breaks my heart.
I was asked why read what makes you cry. I read because something within me feels the need to. I follow the journeys of families and children. I don't pretend to understand the mysteries of life. I don't have any answers most of the time.
Ever so simply they are life. They are a reason to hope and to laugh and to cry. For my children I will sit up at 2 am waiting for the washer to stop so they will have clean socks in the morning. They give me reason to do any number of things that must be done, that should be done and that can be done. Then they give me reason to learn the words (or most of the words) to silly little songs and sing them without any thought to how I might sound to anyone else. All because they gift me with smiles and laughter in return.
Why am I so lucky?
I have no idea.
I hope never to take it for granted and to keep perspective with the world around me. It takes so little to spread joy... and so I try... It takes even less though to hurt feelings, so I try even harder to avoid doing that.
Life is truly a journey and there's much along the way. Some of it is blissfully wonderful, and some of it just breaks my heart.
I was asked why read what makes you cry. I read because something within me feels the need to. I follow the journeys of families and children. I don't pretend to understand the mysteries of life. I don't have any answers most of the time.
All I do know is, children are our future, our past and our present...
Ever so simply they are life. They are a reason to hope and to laugh and to cry. For my children I will sit up at 2 am waiting for the washer to stop so they will have clean socks in the morning. They give me reason to do any number of things that must be done, that should be done and that can be done. Then they give me reason to learn the words (or most of the words) to silly little songs and sing them without any thought to how I might sound to anyone else. All because they gift me with smiles and laughter in return.
Why am I so lucky?
I have no idea.
I hope never to take it for granted and to keep perspective with the world around me. It takes so little to spread joy... and so I try... It takes even less though to hurt feelings, so I try even harder to avoid doing that.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's Day
It's Mother's Day...
I always feel a bit odd since my own Mother is gone but I have all my wonderful little and not so little people.
Here are two of them... Em is a petite girl who will be thirteen at the end of this month... and baby Z is a week shy of 7 months. I love how the perspective makes Z look as big as his big sister.
I'm supposed to be working on a bunch of homework... my older sister is in the midst of an unexpected move that will leave her living with my dad... and that led to a flurry of phone calls all evening. I still need to call my eldest sister and see how life is treating her. There's dishes and laundry waiting for me... but here I am playing with photos.
We've taking baby pic's with Z's big monkey since he was a month or so old. An idea I'd never heard of when the other munchkins were little - guess I'm slow or something.. but anyway here's May's version.
Guess I'll head back to the things I'm supposed to be doing... at least until baby Z's night feeding. He's still not sleeping through the night or anything. (pst... secret - as much as I'd like a single night's sleep from dusk to dawn... I love the time I get with him since I miss the hours I spend at work when he is home with his Daddy. He can give up the really early feeding between 5 and 6 though - any time now).
EDIT here for clarification since BabyZ's dad just laughed at me; the little man gets up two or three times every night. I'm a night person so I don't mind anything before say 4 am. Early 'morning' though I'd rather be sleeping myself. I absolutely think 5 am is sleeping time.
I always feel a bit odd since my own Mother is gone but I have all my wonderful little and not so little people.
Here are two of them... Em is a petite girl who will be thirteen at the end of this month... and baby Z is a week shy of 7 months. I love how the perspective makes Z look as big as his big sister.I'm supposed to be working on a bunch of homework... my older sister is in the midst of an unexpected move that will leave her living with my dad... and that led to a flurry of phone calls all evening. I still need to call my eldest sister and see how life is treating her. There's dishes and laundry waiting for me... but here I am playing with photos.
We've taking baby pic's with Z's big monkey since he was a month or so old. An idea I'd never heard of when the other munchkins were little - guess I'm slow or something.. but anyway here's May's version.
Guess I'll head back to the things I'm supposed to be doing... at least until baby Z's night feeding. He's still not sleeping through the night or anything. (pst... secret - as much as I'd like a single night's sleep from dusk to dawn... I love the time I get with him since I miss the hours I spend at work when he is home with his Daddy. He can give up the really early feeding between 5 and 6 though - any time now).
EDIT here for clarification since BabyZ's dad just laughed at me; the little man gets up two or three times every night. I'm a night person so I don't mind anything before say 4 am. Early 'morning' though I'd rather be sleeping myself. I absolutely think 5 am is sleeping time.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Fear is a terrible thing, guilt is even worse...
I've been afraid... frozen in time since November 30th 2008...
I tried to be stronger than the fear for Christmas Eve and managed I guess. We were able to spend our usual holiday time with Nolie. Since then however - I can't seem to find my way.
I have Zachary, and Emily, and Calvin, and Sebastian, and Bryan. I've been blessed - more times over than I deserve. There were three miscarriage interspersed that I'll never forget but in the end - more on the side of luck and love.
This is all to explain... When the dearest, most amazing friend I've ever known lost her son, the day he was born at 20 weeks - fear set in and then guilt.
Fear that I would only cause her pain to bring my newborn, fifth child, beautiful son around in the midst of her grief... fear that it would add to the heartache for me to seemingly flaunt my fertility when she'd waited 16 years for a miracle... fear that if I stayed away, I'd lose a friendship that has been a sustaining rock in my life.
Then there's the guilt. I dare not complain about sleepless nights, when she'd give anything to have such simple worries. How can I feel overwhelmed - when I'm blessed so. How dare I feel like there's not enough hours in the the day...
So now I'm frozen... afraid I'm letting too much time pass, too much distance grow... afraid it's already too late.
Just ten days ago was baby E's due date.
I still cry when I think of him.
I miss Nolie.
I tried to be stronger than the fear for Christmas Eve and managed I guess. We were able to spend our usual holiday time with Nolie. Since then however - I can't seem to find my way.
I have Zachary, and Emily, and Calvin, and Sebastian, and Bryan. I've been blessed - more times over than I deserve. There were three miscarriage interspersed that I'll never forget but in the end - more on the side of luck and love.
This is all to explain... When the dearest, most amazing friend I've ever known lost her son, the day he was born at 20 weeks - fear set in and then guilt.
Fear that I would only cause her pain to bring my newborn, fifth child, beautiful son around in the midst of her grief... fear that it would add to the heartache for me to seemingly flaunt my fertility when she'd waited 16 years for a miracle... fear that if I stayed away, I'd lose a friendship that has been a sustaining rock in my life.
Then there's the guilt. I dare not complain about sleepless nights, when she'd give anything to have such simple worries. How can I feel overwhelmed - when I'm blessed so. How dare I feel like there's not enough hours in the the day...
So now I'm frozen... afraid I'm letting too much time pass, too much distance grow... afraid it's already too late.
Just ten days ago was baby E's due date.
I still cry when I think of him.
I miss Nolie.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Mission Statement
Early this month I was in a training class at work based on Steven Covey's 7 Habits. As a part of the class follow up I was supposed to write a personal mission statement. I jotted down my '1st draft' while in class and went back today to try to write the 'final version'.
The draft version -
My mission is to be myself, to always give my best, to believe in people, to hold on to hope, to let go of heartache, and to look back... with no regrets
It's been the requisite 21 days and I'm also supposed to assess my progress... I wonder if I just embrace my draft, is that progress or laziness?
The draft version -
My mission is to be myself, to always give my best, to believe in people, to hold on to hope, to let go of heartache, and to look back... with no regrets
It's been the requisite 21 days and I'm also supposed to assess my progress... I wonder if I just embrace my draft, is that progress or laziness?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
One Day...
I will find the time to finish a blog post. I keep starting them and life happens.
Right now it's homework, last week it was doctor's appointments and biopsies, the week before it was an ice storm... in between of course is more homework, laundry, dishes, munchkins... life.
Right now it's homework, last week it was doctor's appointments and biopsies, the week before it was an ice storm... in between of course is more homework, laundry, dishes, munchkins... life.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The next day...
One day I'm grateful for the knowledge that my father doesn't have lung cancer.... and the next day....
He's got a tumor after all, just not where they expected. His colon. Is a colon tumor ever not cancer? I have so much to learn now.
I'm in a managerial accounting class that cannot compete with the racing thoughts. I'd by chance gotten my dad's call on our evening break.
It's been 14 years since my mother died of ovarian cancer that metastasized in her liver. She'd battled cancer for 12 years. Ten days before Christmas 1994 she lost that battle.
Just this past Monday would have been their 49th wedding anniversary.
I am fearful that we will again travel the path of doctors, surgeries, treatments that border on torture and holding onto hope till they take it all away.
/please let this class end so I can go home to my children, my safe haven, my husband, if only for the night...
He's got a tumor after all, just not where they expected. His colon. Is a colon tumor ever not cancer? I have so much to learn now.
I'm in a managerial accounting class that cannot compete with the racing thoughts. I'd by chance gotten my dad's call on our evening break.
It's been 14 years since my mother died of ovarian cancer that metastasized in her liver. She'd battled cancer for 12 years. Ten days before Christmas 1994 she lost that battle.
Just this past Monday would have been their 49th wedding anniversary.
I am fearful that we will again travel the path of doctors, surgeries, treatments that border on torture and holding onto hope till they take it all away.
/please let this class end so I can go home to my children, my safe haven, my husband, if only for the night...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
January is passing quickly
And it's been a busy month. It's a historical one as well, but I'll focus on the personal for now.
I'm back to work, just finished my Project Management class this past week and the little man is in mid growth spurt.
There's good news on my Dad. We had a bit of a scare where his doctor sent him to an oncology group to figure out a spot on his lung. It's merely a pneumonia scar from 1965 or so and it's such a relief that is was something not to worry about. It started out as bronchitis which was bad enough but when she looked at the x-ray... well it's all okay now. Whew!
College life... there's just not enough time but I can't postpone it so I just have to manage my time better. I'm done in July, walk in December, if I can just get through these last few classes with some dignity.
I need sleep...
Zach is getting closer to sleeping through the night, but he's still not there. He's eating like there is no tomorrow lately. He's grown so much since he was born. He is a smiley little man when he's just been fed. I've got to find time to get more pictures of him. He's three months old now and he's lost the newborn look.
The rest of the munchkins are enjoying their second short week at school and doing well.
History... oh wow! Today was indeed a huge day in history. I can't really put it into word right now, but suffice to say, I feel hope in our new president... so much hope.
I'm back to work, just finished my Project Management class this past week and the little man is in mid growth spurt.
There's good news on my Dad. We had a bit of a scare where his doctor sent him to an oncology group to figure out a spot on his lung. It's merely a pneumonia scar from 1965 or so and it's such a relief that is was something not to worry about. It started out as bronchitis which was bad enough but when she looked at the x-ray... well it's all okay now. Whew!
College life... there's just not enough time but I can't postpone it so I just have to manage my time better. I'm done in July, walk in December, if I can just get through these last few classes with some dignity.
I need sleep...
Zach is getting closer to sleeping through the night, but he's still not there. He's eating like there is no tomorrow lately. He's grown so much since he was born. He is a smiley little man when he's just been fed. I've got to find time to get more pictures of him. He's three months old now and he's lost the newborn look.
The rest of the munchkins are enjoying their second short week at school and doing well.
History... oh wow! Today was indeed a huge day in history. I can't really put it into word right now, but suffice to say, I feel hope in our new president... so much hope.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Looking Back on 2008
What a year.
Once again it was filled with love and loss, joy and tears, life... New beginnings, unexpected endings and questions for which there are no answers...
Early on I was planning our wedding and then before we knew it planning Zach's nursery. Both wonderful blessings.
The wedding was not perfect but there were so many facets that are treasured memories. Getting to meet Jason, having Nolie there and my munchkins so supportive - those are moments that to this day bring me joy just thinking about them.
The hotel coordinator who worked with me on the wedding reception will always hold a place in my heart. She was part wedding planner and part counselor and awesome at both. At the time she and her type 1 husband were expecting their first child. Once I explained out sugar-free cheesecake plan she opened up and was blunt about what it was like living with a type 1 and the risks she knew her child would face. Her willingness take those chances were a welcome surprise as I knew I would be taking the same ones.
I've come to terms with the snafu at the chapel doors, the ridiculous pre-wedding behavior by persons who need not be named... only a bit of it still bugs me if I think about it. I want to remember only enough of the not so good bits that I behave appropriately if ever a time comes that I'm in a similar position with my children.
The issues with my pregnancy seem so simple now. We were blessed with a beautiful healthy baby boy. Briefly we had hopes Zach would have a cousin of sorts to grow up with. Heartbreakingly however, Nolie's son was born too early and left this world after just a few hours. I still cannot think of him without tears. The most amazing person I've ever known... who waited 16 years for her little one and now must go on with only his memory. I've asked why too many times and I know that if there is a rhyme or reason, I don't know what it is. Some would say it's all part of a grand plan the almighty has and others would call it fate or the roll of the dice. I don't know. Life's not fair, sure, I think we get that. Love lives on - so true. Does that kind of heartache ever heal though, I'm not too sure.
There was sobering brush with mortality just with Karen before Nolie told everyone about the baby. If ever the connection between your heart and diabetes was illustrated... It makes me twice as grateful for a great Endocrinologist who watches over us.
Matthew's best man and college room mate, Jason got engaged... so now there's a wonderful woman out there that we will one day meet, who will walk beside him. It appeals tomy sense of romance the way he mentioned her in passing, then again, and finally, it was just a matter of time.
Our holidays were a bit emotional this year. Not what we expected on some fronts and just depressing on others. How 2009 will play out from that, remains to be seen. I want to be hopeful that there will be peace in time.
Once again it was filled with love and loss, joy and tears, life... New beginnings, unexpected endings and questions for which there are no answers...
Early on I was planning our wedding and then before we knew it planning Zach's nursery. Both wonderful blessings.
The wedding was not perfect but there were so many facets that are treasured memories. Getting to meet Jason, having Nolie there and my munchkins so supportive - those are moments that to this day bring me joy just thinking about them.
The hotel coordinator who worked with me on the wedding reception will always hold a place in my heart. She was part wedding planner and part counselor and awesome at both. At the time she and her type 1 husband were expecting their first child. Once I explained out sugar-free cheesecake plan she opened up and was blunt about what it was like living with a type 1 and the risks she knew her child would face. Her willingness take those chances were a welcome surprise as I knew I would be taking the same ones.
I've come to terms with the snafu at the chapel doors, the ridiculous pre-wedding behavior by persons who need not be named... only a bit of it still bugs me if I think about it. I want to remember only enough of the not so good bits that I behave appropriately if ever a time comes that I'm in a similar position with my children.
The issues with my pregnancy seem so simple now. We were blessed with a beautiful healthy baby boy. Briefly we had hopes Zach would have a cousin of sorts to grow up with. Heartbreakingly however, Nolie's son was born too early and left this world after just a few hours. I still cannot think of him without tears. The most amazing person I've ever known... who waited 16 years for her little one and now must go on with only his memory. I've asked why too many times and I know that if there is a rhyme or reason, I don't know what it is. Some would say it's all part of a grand plan the almighty has and others would call it fate or the roll of the dice. I don't know. Life's not fair, sure, I think we get that. Love lives on - so true. Does that kind of heartache ever heal though, I'm not too sure.
There was sobering brush with mortality just with Karen before Nolie told everyone about the baby. If ever the connection between your heart and diabetes was illustrated... It makes me twice as grateful for a great Endocrinologist who watches over us.
Matthew's best man and college room mate, Jason got engaged... so now there's a wonderful woman out there that we will one day meet, who will walk beside him. It appeals tomy sense of romance the way he mentioned her in passing, then again, and finally, it was just a matter of time.
Our holidays were a bit emotional this year. Not what we expected on some fronts and just depressing on others. How 2009 will play out from that, remains to be seen. I want to be hopeful that there will be peace in time.
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