Zachary's 1st Halloween

Two weeks

Time passes all too quickly anymore. This day, the last two weeks... seem to be gone in the blink of an eye... before I know it, my maternity leave will be over and I'll have to go back to work. I love my job, need my income, but lord I wish I could stay home for a while with my son. Six months... a year... but alas, there's bills to pay and I'm the payer.

Now about the son... Zachary went in to see his pedi yesterday. He's gained some weight and she said he looks great. He was good for and didn't cry too much. There was a bit when we took all his clothes away for the weight measurement and again when Dr. J checked his hips.

I saw my Doctor also... I've lost a tiny bit of weight and the doc asked me how I'm doing. (my answer is not too bad... little sleep deprived, still got some twinges of pain, - you know, standard for two weeks post c/s with a healthy newborn).

Honestly though... I'm more than tired and there's occasionally more than a twinge of pain. It just sounds whiny to say and I'd likely get the "well you just had major surgery" talk, so what's the point. I still want a new doctor. He's done nothing to redeem himself I'm sorry to say.

I don't know that I'd miss the sleep at night so much if I could nap during the day with the little guy. Not possible right now, but maybe next week? We'll work on a schedule then too.

I'm holding my own with the laundry and the dishes, and while the house has a definite 'lived in' look, it's not terrible. I would love to mop the floors, but hey... that's just me.

The little man calls...

One week....

It's been a week now since the little guy made his debut. This photo is from his second day... and it's taken me this long to post it. (new babies have a way about making time pass in the blink of an eye.)

He's still not on a distinguishable sleeping or eating schedule. It's a bit tricky when planning a doctor's visit or any outing at all. It's not like you can make a nursing baby eat before they leave the house. It's not like I can produce milk on any schedule he doesn't set. This makes it interesting when one day he wants to eat every two hours and the next day he wants to eat every 3 to 3 1/2 hours. Ahhhhh fun times...

All in all though he is such a good baby. He's a bit more alert than I'd expect a newborn to be though. So... I'm drinking decaf and wondering what else I can avoid to help him sleep. Mind you, even when he is awake for hours he's happy.

He's been to see his pediatrician once so far and will return on Thursday for a weight check. He's not showing any signs of jaundice, got a good review and we are in agreement for his shot schedule at this point.

Heartache again...

After everything...

The drama and the heartache return.

I'd done all that I could do, sacrificed myself to heal the rift between a mother and her son, and while it wasn't perfect, things between them were really good. Now though, the barely built bridge is in flames and I never saw it coming.

He's Here!!!!

Safe and sound, Zachary is here. Ten fingers, ten toes, good bit of hair, beautiful little guy. Of course I'm biased so I offer a photo to convince you.

October 17, 2008 at 8:03 a.m.

7 lbs 10 oz, 20 in long

October 17th

The midnight hour has arrived. I'm not even allowed water now until after Zachary is born... In just 5 hours I need to leave for the hospital...

This is a big day.

I'm supposed to be excited. Somehow the idea of surgery isn't that exciting. I will be incapacitated and have half a dozen people wandering obliviously around me when I'm not even able to sit up, nope can't say that I'm thrilled at the prospect.

Meeting Zachary is wonderful to think about. The rest of it... not so much.

I'm hoping that the level of drama is not what I fear it will be.

Please let this be a good day. Let me have some time with my son before it's gets hectic and the world's expectations come crashing through.

Maybe I'll get to update this later today with good news.

Here's hoping.

Seriously

If you gave me a dilemma and said 'WWYD?' I could answer from at least 5 of the six perspectives. I'm a very direct minded person. I just cannot for the life of me come up with some random, fictitious ethical dilemma. It's just a bit frustrating.

I've gone so far as googling "Ethical Dilemmas in Business Essay Suggestions". I get hundreds of offers to sell me such a paper, but no suggested topics.

/sigh/

My next class is another programming class. I'm not a programmer. I do not enjoy it, I am no good at it, I am just not a programmer. We all have strengths and weaknesses... System design, hardware, bussiness use of technology - those are my strengths. Do they make a degree for such things? No. Only a programming focused program that will give me and IS/IT degree is available and thus, here I am.

This is not getting my paper written... but it's better than solitaire.

Another day...

Well... I'm supposed to be writing. I'm supposed to be expounding on an ethical dilemma. I have no dilemma except what in the heck I'm supposed to be writing about.

Once I identify the dilemma I get to analyze it from six different perspectives. (Utility, Justice, Rights, Caring, Virtue and Christianity). Then I need a powerpoint presentation to go with it. Whoo hoo!!!! Yeah, sarcasm is not in the list, but I've got plenty to share so why not?

Oh, because it's my final for Ethics and it matters. I present Thursday night so I'm on a tight time line.

Arrggghhhhh.... how ethical is a paper analyzing a made up dilemma? Procrastinating is getting me now where is it????
_____________________________________________
Okay for the rest of my life...

Matthew started working on the yard out front. I'm still not finished in the house. I've just got to deal with the noise and start up the compressor and hook up the nail guns.

Zachary seems to still be growing. I've never outgrown maternity clothes before. If it's not stretchy though it doesn't fit around the bump anymore. My first born was 9 lbs 2 oz, no small baby there and I do not think I was this big. Who knows, he could still be a tiny little guy.

I need a nap.

Enough?

Since every day can't be a wonderful day, it's no surprise that some days are just lousy. I think today qualifies. Maybe it's just a day when the world needs to wait for me to recharge before asking more.

It's been another long week and I've done what I could to make it a good week for those around me. I dug deep for patience and have asked for little if anything. Still at the end of it all - I'm not gifted with anyone's patience if I should need it.

It's not uncommon or unusual... I'm not unique... I am still just me and likely my own worst enemy becuase I don't know how to manage other people's demands far too often.

The Tour de Cure yesterday went well I think. It was a 12 hour day for me and I don't usually get more than 3 good hours so when I got home I needed rest in the worst way. The weather was kind and the location of the rest stop we volunteered at was rather serene. I'm glad we were able to do it.

I got a couple hours sleep anyway. I've done all the laundry in the house again and got the kitchen clean late last night. It's a few minutes up, few minutes down that allow me to stretch my energy... otherwise nothing would get done.

I've still got a lot to do today but I'm going to take it slow. I'm fighting leg cramps and general achiness.

Tomorrow is another day, eh?

Running out of time...

We are 12 days out... so just 11 days left to get more than that time is going to allow.

Today - I hope to get the last mowing of the year in, I might still wish I'd gotten the weed eating done, but I'm not putting it on the agenda for today.... it's just not possible.

I've not finished painting... and I've still got trim to install, more flooring to cut... and some furniture to assemble. We did get a whole lot done with the garage yesterday and I'm caught up on the laundry until tomorrow. We took a few hours this morning just to be us... I might be driven by insane hormones and mental weakness... but the dearest Husband needs some down time if he's going to completely get over bronchitis and he's still working every day so his weekends are precious.

The schedule ahead:

Monday (6th)through Wednesday(8th) it's work on homework, keep up the day to day and taxi service since our oldest's car is no more. Matthew's got a doctor's appointment Thursday (9th), I've got class that night, followed by my doctor's appointment on Friday (10th)... The ADA Tour de Cure is Saturday(11th), My dad will be here Sunday(12th).

We need to bring Zach's crib and swing home too. (Some things from the shower are still at Matthew's parents house). I should go ahead and get the mattress for the bigger crib while I'm at it. Maybe I'll order it online so it just gets delivered to the door and save myself the time and trouble.

The following week, I've got my 8 page ethics paper to write between Monday (13th) and Wednesday (15th) and prepare to present Thursday (16th)...

Baby to be here on Friday the 17th...

It's crazy and I know I'm not going to get it 'all' done... but I've got to give it my best shot.

Zach can derail the train anytime anyway.

If you see Matthew wandering the world with Einstein hair you know I've pushed him over the edge... feed him some coffee and keep him safe eh?

Thank goodness... this week is almost over.

It's been a l-o-n-g week. I'm tired. Not as tired as I was last night after class... but for just getting up two hours ago, I'm ready for everyone to leave for school and work. Sam ( my orange cat) and I can cuddle up here and do a whole lot of not much.

Yesterday's doctor visit with the nurse practitioner went okay, but I'm still disappointed with my doctor's office as a whole. After the little guy gets here, I'm not going back to a doctor who thought seeing me once in the last four weeks before a c-section was perfectly alright. I do not like that I had to complain and demand that they review my chart and make some other option available. The 'office manager' basically told me I did the right thing and I'm my best advocate - but at the end of the day - should I have to advocate to this level for care that I am paying to receive? It doesn't help to find out that if I had not made a big deal out of it they would have been forced to squeeze two visits into one week so that they met the minimum number of prenatal visits to get the full 4k fee. I helped them make more money... what that heck???

Okay, I'm letting it go for now. Two weeks from now the little guy will be here and none of it will matter anymore.

I've only got two more weeks of my Ethics class too. I've got a paper to start working on, two more chapters to read and a presentation to do the day before the c-section. You could say I like living on the edge... or that I can't seem to stop spreading myself too thin... but I've waited years to finish this degree and I'm not getting any younger. I didn't plan on a surgical delivery so there's my blind spot on this one.

This weekend is supposed to be busy but maybe, just maybe I'll have nursery photos when I'm done. There's a 'county clean-up' tomorrow that should give me back a chunk of garage space too. YEA!

Well, scratch that do nothing... got to go rescue the oldest boy with the bum car. urgh.....