Has been sick for weeks now. He had an ear infection at his one year checkup and then another one when we went back for the recheck and now he's possibly allergic to the antibiotic the doc prescribed. So we are on our third antibiotic, and I've not been to work in almost a week.
He's the happiest sick baby I've ever met, but seriously, he's got to get better sometime.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
The way I see it...
I'm an optimistic, peace-making, keep trying, compromising, okay kind of person.
I look for the best in people and when I just don't understand, I think... there must be something so I should try harder to understand. Sure there's tons of people not worth my efforts, but to let one slip by that is worth that benefit of doubt would be wrong for me.
People are fairly simple yet terribly complex. At least I think they are... or maybe just I am... who knows.
Anyway. I want the world to be a nicer place, eh? And you know what they say? If you want the world to be a nicer place... make it a nicer place and you will live the nicer place you wanted. Sounds good, is darned hard and yet... Here I am. Still trying to make it a nicer place. Starting of course with good old me. May not be able to change the world... but can always change your perspective, outlook, reactions, what you bring to the world's table. When you're done there, you've changed a little tiny bit of the world and if you are lucky, that change is for the better.
I'd like to think what I bring is a bit of laughter, a lot of love, and everything I've got.
It seems like it's never enough, but it's all I've got, it's just going to have to do.
I do not understand bitterness as it were... Will it make the world a better place? (nope) Will it make you happy? (not likely) Will it ease the hurt you may be feeling. (I don't think so) So then what will it get you? If what it gets you is not what you want... pour that energy into something you do want... like joy or laughter or even simple peace.
I live with bitterness though - not my own - and it steals my joy. I want to happy regardless... but when you watch someone you love dearly - make themselves miserable because of bitterness and you are caught in their angst.... joy just doesn't have that great of a chance to survive.
Being caught in the cross-hairs of someones self inflicted misery is not something I wish on anyone. It hurts and you're basically powerless. Unless of course you are that uber strong person who says - okay you want to be miserable? then do it alone... I'm outta here. (some would say strong, others would say cold as ice or selfish, I dunno... I think somewhere in between) It's just not in me though... I just keep trying for that better place thing and wonder ... will I always fail or is there hope. There's got to be hope though... so I soldier on.
It's looking though like it's taking a path I don't want to travel. I've seen this movie you could say. It doesn't end well.
The bitterness is giving way to selfishness, meanness, and double standards.
and I don't have a clue what to do from here.
I look for the best in people and when I just don't understand, I think... there must be something so I should try harder to understand. Sure there's tons of people not worth my efforts, but to let one slip by that is worth that benefit of doubt would be wrong for me.
People are fairly simple yet terribly complex. At least I think they are... or maybe just I am... who knows.
Anyway. I want the world to be a nicer place, eh? And you know what they say? If you want the world to be a nicer place... make it a nicer place and you will live the nicer place you wanted. Sounds good, is darned hard and yet... Here I am. Still trying to make it a nicer place. Starting of course with good old me. May not be able to change the world... but can always change your perspective, outlook, reactions, what you bring to the world's table. When you're done there, you've changed a little tiny bit of the world and if you are lucky, that change is for the better.
I'd like to think what I bring is a bit of laughter, a lot of love, and everything I've got.
It seems like it's never enough, but it's all I've got, it's just going to have to do.
I do not understand bitterness as it were... Will it make the world a better place? (nope) Will it make you happy? (not likely) Will it ease the hurt you may be feeling. (I don't think so) So then what will it get you? If what it gets you is not what you want... pour that energy into something you do want... like joy or laughter or even simple peace.
I live with bitterness though - not my own - and it steals my joy. I want to happy regardless... but when you watch someone you love dearly - make themselves miserable because of bitterness and you are caught in their angst.... joy just doesn't have that great of a chance to survive.
Being caught in the cross-hairs of someones self inflicted misery is not something I wish on anyone. It hurts and you're basically powerless. Unless of course you are that uber strong person who says - okay you want to be miserable? then do it alone... I'm outta here. (some would say strong, others would say cold as ice or selfish, I dunno... I think somewhere in between) It's just not in me though... I just keep trying for that better place thing and wonder ... will I always fail or is there hope. There's got to be hope though... so I soldier on.
It's looking though like it's taking a path I don't want to travel. I've seen this movie you could say. It doesn't end well.
The bitterness is giving way to selfishness, meanness, and double standards.
and I don't have a clue what to do from here.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
House and Home... Family and Friends... JDRF
House & Home...
I'm sitting here while they lay carpet in my a good bit of my house. I've spent the last week painting, pulling up the old carpet, prepping the floors and trying to keep things somewhat tidy. I've not been this tired in a long time. At first it was cleaning... getting all the furniture out of the rooms. Then it was prime spots that needed a bit more care. I've climbed up and down the ladder way too many times, but it had to be done. It was maybe more work than I realized it was going to be. Once I got started I just kept going - I can rest later.
I didn't do anything drastic. We have creamy walls that most people would think are booooring these days, but I'm a neutral wall color with soft accent kind of person. We don't have big rooms anyway and dark colors can make them seem smaller if done wrong. I don't care what they say on HGTV the popular dark colored walls make rooms look smaller when you stuff them full of furniture. Besides with the number of people living here, all their stuff, we get crowded easy. The living room though... I'm hoping to paint with a color. I just didn't have the time/money to get it done before the carpet. I think I'll be able to do it next month, I'll just get some of that carpet protecting stick-down drop cloth to prevent any lasting ooopses.
If I had 10k I'd have gone wood floors... :) Nice carpet will do me just fine though. It's a pretty fluffy carpet that I'll feel tons better about Zachy crawling around on. We had put a big rug over the living room floor so he had something soft and clean to crawl on for a while now. The rug will likely end up in the dining area now.
The older kids have been living a bit like vagabonds with their dressers in the garage. Every morning the trek out there to get clothes and such... hanging stuff got to stay in their closets though. (okay I painted the rooms not the closets... can't I do that later?). I still have a built in drawer project to do in the funny alcove that they put in the kids rooms. It may be a bit before I get that done. I've always got more to do... and when I run out of inside projects... there's always the poor neglected yard.
It's a long time coming. I really started this project a year ago, while working on Zach's nursery. Money was tight though and when we made the decision for Matthew to stay home with the little guy for a year - our remodel projects got put on hold. I was more important that our little one be well cared for, snug at home with the best Dad in the world. (I jokingly call him a lousey housewife... cause pushing dust around, washing laundry and dishes are not his thing. On the other hand he is an AWESOME Dad - I think that's a good trade :) Matthew goes back to work in less than a month now and the little guy will attend a church daycare where he'll be able to socialize and grow even more.
Family & Friends...
Matthew's Grandparents are in town for a visit... and for the JDRF Walk tomorrow. It's their first time to see the little man and we've not seen them since our wedding. He has the most amazing grandparents too. They are warm wonderful people who don't care that the house is in the midst of remodel they just want to see their grandson and great-grandson.
Yesterday they got a rare chance to take not only Matthew and Zachary out for the day... but Matthew's sister April was able to join them. I was working most of the day - but it has been years and years since Grandpa and Grandma had a day with just their grand kids. They've only have the two, April and Matthew... and now Zachary. So it was good all around.
They went to the outdoor mall that was built a few years ago and there's a carousel in the food pavilion.
I was able to join them for lunch a got some pictures.
Daddy... what are we doing?
Zachary, Matthew, & April
Tonight will be dinner and an early birthday party for Zachary. He's a month out from a full year, but they'll only be here this week. Matthew's mom balked at first, but it's not about gifts or anything... it's a cake and one little boy making what will probably the most delightful mess. Once in a lifetime moments you just don't pass up.
Tomorrow we will go to the walk and while the weather may not fully cooperate, the walk takes place rain or shine. In the 17+ years that Matthew has been a type1 diabetic, he's never had a family team for the walk. After last year, I promised myself we'd change that. I could not imagine though that we would have four generations walking for him this year. I'm ever so grateful. We raised a decent amount too. If there is ever to be a cure, I believe JDRF will be on the forefront of finding it. They are the only 'organization' that I know of that manages to put 85% of every dollar raised directly into research. The other 15% is used to operate local chapters that offer support and education.
This post is longer than I planned but who wants to stick to plan... when there's so much life out there?
I'm sitting here while they lay carpet in my a good bit of my house. I've spent the last week painting, pulling up the old carpet, prepping the floors and trying to keep things somewhat tidy. I've not been this tired in a long time. At first it was cleaning... getting all the furniture out of the rooms. Then it was prime spots that needed a bit more care. I've climbed up and down the ladder way too many times, but it had to be done. It was maybe more work than I realized it was going to be. Once I got started I just kept going - I can rest later.
I didn't do anything drastic. We have creamy walls that most people would think are booooring these days, but I'm a neutral wall color with soft accent kind of person. We don't have big rooms anyway and dark colors can make them seem smaller if done wrong. I don't care what they say on HGTV the popular dark colored walls make rooms look smaller when you stuff them full of furniture. Besides with the number of people living here, all their stuff, we get crowded easy. The living room though... I'm hoping to paint with a color. I just didn't have the time/money to get it done before the carpet. I think I'll be able to do it next month, I'll just get some of that carpet protecting stick-down drop cloth to prevent any lasting ooopses.
If I had 10k I'd have gone wood floors... :) Nice carpet will do me just fine though. It's a pretty fluffy carpet that I'll feel tons better about Zachy crawling around on. We had put a big rug over the living room floor so he had something soft and clean to crawl on for a while now. The rug will likely end up in the dining area now.
The older kids have been living a bit like vagabonds with their dressers in the garage. Every morning the trek out there to get clothes and such... hanging stuff got to stay in their closets though. (okay I painted the rooms not the closets... can't I do that later?). I still have a built in drawer project to do in the funny alcove that they put in the kids rooms. It may be a bit before I get that done. I've always got more to do... and when I run out of inside projects... there's always the poor neglected yard.
It's a long time coming. I really started this project a year ago, while working on Zach's nursery. Money was tight though and when we made the decision for Matthew to stay home with the little guy for a year - our remodel projects got put on hold. I was more important that our little one be well cared for, snug at home with the best Dad in the world. (I jokingly call him a lousey housewife... cause pushing dust around, washing laundry and dishes are not his thing. On the other hand he is an AWESOME Dad - I think that's a good trade :) Matthew goes back to work in less than a month now and the little guy will attend a church daycare where he'll be able to socialize and grow even more.
Family & Friends...
Matthew's Grandparents are in town for a visit... and for the JDRF Walk tomorrow. It's their first time to see the little man and we've not seen them since our wedding. He has the most amazing grandparents too. They are warm wonderful people who don't care that the house is in the midst of remodel they just want to see their grandson and great-grandson.
Yesterday they got a rare chance to take not only Matthew and Zachary out for the day... but Matthew's sister April was able to join them. I was working most of the day - but it has been years and years since Grandpa and Grandma had a day with just their grand kids. They've only have the two, April and Matthew... and now Zachary. So it was good all around.
They went to the outdoor mall that was built a few years ago and there's a carousel in the food pavilion.
I was able to join them for lunch a got some pictures.
Daddy... what are we doing?
Zachary, Matthew, & AprilTonight will be dinner and an early birthday party for Zachary. He's a month out from a full year, but they'll only be here this week. Matthew's mom balked at first, but it's not about gifts or anything... it's a cake and one little boy making what will probably the most delightful mess. Once in a lifetime moments you just don't pass up.
Tomorrow we will go to the walk and while the weather may not fully cooperate, the walk takes place rain or shine. In the 17+ years that Matthew has been a type1 diabetic, he's never had a family team for the walk. After last year, I promised myself we'd change that. I could not imagine though that we would have four generations walking for him this year. I'm ever so grateful. We raised a decent amount too. If there is ever to be a cure, I believe JDRF will be on the forefront of finding it. They are the only 'organization' that I know of that manages to put 85% of every dollar raised directly into research. The other 15% is used to operate local chapters that offer support and education.
This post is longer than I planned but who wants to stick to plan... when there's so much life out there?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I read blogs...
A lot of them. Some I just happened upon one day and others I looked for.
I am just one person in a great big world and I am reminded that perspective is everything on a regular basis... maybe that's what keeps me reading when I don't even have time to write in my own blog.
I'm touched by the simple joy that others find, heartbroken by their struggles, and inspired by their strength in difficult times. For all that I find myself drawing inward to my own life - I am a people person.
I don't always think on my own to breathe and take heart. I find that reminder in reading the bogs of some truly amazing people I'm blessed to have found in this great big world.
Even when life seems overwhelming and difficult as it does right this minute... there are so many good things to hold onto, to treasure, grown and stand by.
It's been a far too busy few weeks that are running one into another. Not all that needs done is getting done and I'm god awful tired. But I don't want to complain. I have too much good in my life to waste time complaining. Still I would love a bit of sleep... I'm just saying.
I would love a quiet few days without frantic get 'something' done. Yet honestly - I'd probably just find something that needs done and poof that quiet few days would be gone and I'd be doing it to myself. I've never been one to just let life go... I'm in the thick of it trying to make it clean, tidy, good, better, shared, stored, and purposeful.
I think sometimes life's purpose though, is to just be savored like a good book.
Look back a moment, forward another and stand very still... in that quiet moment just be... and be well. Be happy. Be kind. Be helpful. Be thankful. Be loved. And honestly if it's real and honest and unavoidable... Be overwhelmed... just for a moment be true to your self. Look at life from a head-on perspective and know... this is how it is... just now. Then remember it will not always be so... it will be better sometimes and probably even worse others... but it will all pass.
And if you get a moment pour it out in words so you can reflect on it one day and know where you've been as you look to where you are headed and find where you are.
~simple foolish me babbling along maybe I should have been named Brooke.
I am just one person in a great big world and I am reminded that perspective is everything on a regular basis... maybe that's what keeps me reading when I don't even have time to write in my own blog.
I'm touched by the simple joy that others find, heartbroken by their struggles, and inspired by their strength in difficult times. For all that I find myself drawing inward to my own life - I am a people person.
I don't always think on my own to breathe and take heart. I find that reminder in reading the bogs of some truly amazing people I'm blessed to have found in this great big world.
Even when life seems overwhelming and difficult as it does right this minute... there are so many good things to hold onto, to treasure, grown and stand by.
It's been a far too busy few weeks that are running one into another. Not all that needs done is getting done and I'm god awful tired. But I don't want to complain. I have too much good in my life to waste time complaining. Still I would love a bit of sleep... I'm just saying.
I would love a quiet few days without frantic get 'something' done. Yet honestly - I'd probably just find something that needs done and poof that quiet few days would be gone and I'd be doing it to myself. I've never been one to just let life go... I'm in the thick of it trying to make it clean, tidy, good, better, shared, stored, and purposeful.
I think sometimes life's purpose though, is to just be savored like a good book.
Look back a moment, forward another and stand very still... in that quiet moment just be... and be well. Be happy. Be kind. Be helpful. Be thankful. Be loved. And honestly if it's real and honest and unavoidable... Be overwhelmed... just for a moment be true to your self. Look at life from a head-on perspective and know... this is how it is... just now. Then remember it will not always be so... it will be better sometimes and probably even worse others... but it will all pass.
And if you get a moment pour it out in words so you can reflect on it one day and know where you've been as you look to where you are headed and find where you are.
~simple foolish me babbling along maybe I should have been named Brooke.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Weekends are for relaxing right...
Not so much when you've got family to bail out of jail (sadly this is true) and things to do!
I ended up with a speeding ticket I didn't need on top of everything. It's all my own fault for getting a ticket. I was following and trying to keep up. I know better and should have just maintained my own pace and got there when I got there. I let fear get the best of me though. I had just plunked down my family's grocery money to bail out my sister and I had to get it back if we were meant to eat for the next two weeks. If I didn't keep up with her... I had no way to get back what I couldn't afford to lose... or so my mind was thinking at the time. I could have been twenty minutes later and saved myself a ticket - and I feel kind of stupid for it.
When we chose to live off a single income for a year -we knew it meant a tighter than tight budget, but it was for baby Z to be able to stay at home at least for his first year. Shelling out our grocery money right now was not an option. Shelling out ticket money isn't ideal either. I've got two months and it's payable. I was sort of saving up for a dream though...
Oh well, In the end I got my grocery money back and left my sister to sort out her problems.
Some things just did not get done this weekend. The grass - did not get mowed. I didn't get the jeep in for an oil change. I didn't get my Sam's trip in. The laundry... we are still washing. The house got picked up but I didn't get the floors mopped/vacuumed/whatever and I'm not likely to find time for them until next weekend.
I did, I hope, finalize our shirt for the JDRF Walk in September. Big YEA if Matthew approves.
I ended up with a speeding ticket I didn't need on top of everything. It's all my own fault for getting a ticket. I was following and trying to keep up. I know better and should have just maintained my own pace and got there when I got there. I let fear get the best of me though. I had just plunked down my family's grocery money to bail out my sister and I had to get it back if we were meant to eat for the next two weeks. If I didn't keep up with her... I had no way to get back what I couldn't afford to lose... or so my mind was thinking at the time. I could have been twenty minutes later and saved myself a ticket - and I feel kind of stupid for it.
When we chose to live off a single income for a year -we knew it meant a tighter than tight budget, but it was for baby Z to be able to stay at home at least for his first year. Shelling out our grocery money right now was not an option. Shelling out ticket money isn't ideal either. I've got two months and it's payable. I was sort of saving up for a dream though...
Oh well, In the end I got my grocery money back and left my sister to sort out her problems.
Some things just did not get done this weekend. The grass - did not get mowed. I didn't get the jeep in for an oil change. I didn't get my Sam's trip in. The laundry... we are still washing. The house got picked up but I didn't get the floors mopped/vacuumed/whatever and I'm not likely to find time for them until next weekend.
I did, I hope, finalize our shirt for the JDRF Walk in September. Big YEA if Matthew approves.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Busy few days
Last Thursday was my Capstone presentation for JBU. I'm technically officially done with college. Only took me 20 years... three schools and a whole lot of work. I don't walk until December though, so I'm done, but not done.
My oldest sister came back to Arkansas for a visit over the weekend and I got to see my niece and nephew. They are really great kids. (almost grownup kids, wow) I love it when they visit and it's always sad when they leave.
My dad is being sent to Little Rock for tests and possibly surgery. Seems like once we rule out two cancers we are now dealing with something called Barrett's esophagus and displaysia ( so we have a third cancer risk now) May be simple laser treatment, maybe more in-depth, who knows. So I pray that the unknown is manageable either way.
Had Baby Z's 9 month check up Monday. He's 22.5 pounds of bounding energy and 28 inches tall! He cut his first two teeth finally on Thursday too. I would declare him an official nibbler too. He seems fascinated by the new pearly whites.
I'm contemplating a job change. Don't know if I'll even get an interview, but I put my name in for it anyway. It would be project management rather than technical like I do now. The bonus would be getting working with a group that I used to work with and having a mac again. I'm hopeful anyway. Girl can dream, can't she?
Life is otherwise busy with fund-raising for the NWA JDRF walk in September. I'd love to raise a $1000 but I set my goal at 250 because I just don't know if I can get more. I'm working on the Corporate team as well as our family team so maybe it balances out. Wal-Mart has sponsored the walk for years, but we've not had a corporate wide team.
And that's my busy life... full, blessed, dramatic, simple, beautiful, and a gift.
My oldest sister came back to Arkansas for a visit over the weekend and I got to see my niece and nephew. They are really great kids. (almost grownup kids, wow) I love it when they visit and it's always sad when they leave.
My dad is being sent to Little Rock for tests and possibly surgery. Seems like once we rule out two cancers we are now dealing with something called Barrett's esophagus and displaysia ( so we have a third cancer risk now) May be simple laser treatment, maybe more in-depth, who knows. So I pray that the unknown is manageable either way.
Had Baby Z's 9 month check up Monday. He's 22.5 pounds of bounding energy and 28 inches tall! He cut his first two teeth finally on Thursday too. I would declare him an official nibbler too. He seems fascinated by the new pearly whites.
I'm contemplating a job change. Don't know if I'll even get an interview, but I put my name in for it anyway. It would be project management rather than technical like I do now. The bonus would be getting working with a group that I used to work with and having a mac again. I'm hopeful anyway. Girl can dream, can't she?
Life is otherwise busy with fund-raising for the NWA JDRF walk in September. I'd love to raise a $1000 but I set my goal at 250 because I just don't know if I can get more. I'm working on the Corporate team as well as our family team so maybe it balances out. Wal-Mart has sponsored the walk for years, but we've not had a corporate wide team.
And that's my busy life... full, blessed, dramatic, simple, beautiful, and a gift.
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