So I'm thinking...

...and that can be dangerous.

We are supposed to choose the baby's birthday next doctor's visit. I'm not sure about this. There's a couple thoughts running through my head.

First - my doctor has gotten on my last pregnant nerve. We had our ultrasound June 12th, waited until July 3rd for a review and we got... 'looks normal'.

Nice... um, details please. Baby measured bigger than expected... knew that from the u/s I saw it on the screen. Doc glossed over and had to be prompted to read it chart again. Would he tell us approximately how big the baby was the day of the u/s? No. I didn't get so much as placenta is high, low, good place... no mention of good amniotic fluid level. Just.... everything looks normal.

Hi... remember me? I'm the patient paying 4k for prenatal care. Could I have some care please? He's not the attentive doctor he was some 12 years ago or even the same as what I saw two years ago.

Then he says, we'll schedule the delivery next visit, but remind him because he might forget. (What, can't write it in the chart?) If I don't remind him will they tell me I can't have the little guy because the doc's schedule is full?

So now, I'm thinking.

And you know, I could pick a date that is 'open on the doc's calendar' and the little guy could choose his own birthday.... like normal babies. hmmmmm?

Week 24 and we are so very blessed.

Goodness it's July already... and we are at 24 weeks. It's basically the threshold for viability among other things. The fears of losing the baby you've never even met are lessened, though not completely gone. Surviving premature delivery is possible from here forward.

I'm set to go back to the doctor today. I'm hoping for a review of the ultrasound from June and a schedule for the next batch of tests. I really wish we had a set schedule for the rest of my doctor visits but who asked me?

The little guy seems to move around a lot these days and he's pretty picky about what I can eat or do without irritating him. He's got a personality already.

Every day I realize just how lucky we are.

First because we can even have a baby, then because he's still inside. Infertility and premature delivery seem to be all too common. I read two blogs daily that remind me... every moment pregnant is precious and I'm not in a rush to be done with it any time soon.

Beyond that... the best friend I've ever had, who's been there for me through thick and thin for the last 24 years, who was matron of honor at my wedding, and the most amazing person I know... has wanted a baby for years. She's been married for 15+ years and still no little person has brightened her life. She is a person who holds more love in her heart than you can imagine. I'm always humbled when I think about what she would do for anyone and especially the people in her life... family and friends are dear and none of us have any doubt about it.

She mentioned I am quite the 'fertile myrtle' the other day and I thought to the three miscarriages I've had between the four munchkins already here and the baby due in just a few months... I suppose I am rather fertile, not always successful at carrying to term, but definitely fertile.

This baby will be the last of course. I don't think I could manage this again even if I wanted to. Just getting to week 24 is stressful and my age being what it is... we know we've been blessed and we have enough...

Those who would say we have too many - please keep it to your self unless you have none and have tried.

If you are or have dealt with infertility - please feel free to rant and rave at me all day. I too think it's not fair and I understand as much as I can... and then rant at me for not being able to understand what you've gone through not even being able to conceive.

What was I thinking????

I enrolled in an accelerated degree completion program nearly two years ago. I was supposed to start classes in October of 2006... it got postponed to April of 2007... and July 2007... then finally became reality in October of 2007. It' s a brick and mortar University and it took them a year to pull this cohort together. Go figure!

This is my third tour of duty. :-) Early in the 90's I was studying to be a Computer Science Engineer. I made it two years and then had to leave college to live in the real world. In 2000 I decided to start over at a Community College. In 2003 I graduated with an Associate of Science in Business Administration.

*** Yes, I did what the Engineering tee shirts always said... "If I don't make it as an Engineer, I can always graduate with a Business Admin degree***

Now I'm working to finish with a Bachelors of Science in Business Information Systems and wondering almost daily, What was I thinking??? I used to love college, now I'm trying to stay afloat, doing homework that makes no sense and wondering if I will make it one more year. July 2009 and I should be done if I survive.

The whole time I've been going to school this time, I've planned a wedding, I'm working on a nursery, and heaven only knows how I'm going to manage time off to have the mini-munchkin. Colleges do not have maternity leave in the first place, but this program doesn't stop for anything, not summer break, sure as heck not a baby. We have class every week of the year except 4 - Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, & 4th of July.

To add to the craziness... homework is assigned a week before each class starts, before you meet the instructor, right after you finish the final from one class, it's time to deep dive into the next completely unrelated topic. My head hurts from it all. Literally.

I'm trying to finish the final paper from my last class - revisions were to be done after the formal presentation the last night of class. At the same time I'm supposed to be reading for tomorrow night's class. I want a week off that I don't have to spend doing homework. I really do.

A Baby Story begins....

I'm just shy of six months pregnant... something in the neighborhood of 22 - 24 weeks but really more like 5 months... arggghhhh The little guy's been growing in there since February... how's that?

It's all complicated really. We were planning our wedding... it was stressful even though it shouldn't have been... anyway, a few weeks before our wedding. Go ahead, throw the rocks. It won't change a thing.

We were going to get married in October. We decided around Christmas to move it to March. Made all the arrangements to move our chapel reservation to March, get the atrium at our chosen hotel for the reception and had it all finalized in time to send out the invitations February 1st. Life was good... I'd moved mountains and I'd done it all by myself. :-) We'll leave the in-laws out of it for now. I can almost understand. Almost and it's a whole other post for another day.

Ah and then the drama...

Now we knew,honestly, knew at the time that it was possible... and yet at my age and with my history, we were more hopeful than fearful that one day we could have a baby. I was 'late' for the wedding, and thought, maybe??? Then it seemed I was just 'late' and hope went by the wayside. Then six weeks of uncertainty and what do you know... late again. Well hmmmm.... so we test, and test, and test, and everything comes up unclear but possible. Then cramps and bleeding again and my heart sinks. I've been there before. Still it's only intermittent. I want to hold onto the tiny bit of hope that has held on all this time. I wander my way to the internet and get all kinds of mixed messages. (yes, it's possible to have bleeding and cramping without miscarrying and it's hard to say it's uncommon from what I've read).

At any rate, off to the doctor's I go and YES we have a baby in there. The sixty-five thousand dollar question then was, 'how long has he been there?' More drama follows trying to get an appointment with Dr. A... my obgyn since 1995, I love my doctor, hate his clinic. We finally got to hear our son's heartbeat at something like 18-19 weeks.

Happiness - yes and no. I could be happy if I could be really quiet about it. We waited to break the news to the family. Well hello, how's- that work for happy. Dear Husband wanted to wait for the ultrasound and then finally tell everyone.

June 12 was our ultrasound. Yea!!!! I get to be happy. Just in time too b/c blind people can probably tell there's a baby in there now. (no offense to anyone sight impaired). Little guy is not shy, he's growing and I look very pregnant. And now I know I'm right about the dates. He's due in October and measuring two weeks ahead in overall size.

It's my birthday...

Please just let me enjoy the day.

It's best to begin...

At the beginning.

I've maintained a couple of blogs over the years, so offering up my random thoughts out here in the virtual world is not a new thing.

It's just time to begin again.