I'm an optimistic, peace-making, keep trying, compromising, okay kind of person.
I look for the best in people and when I just don't understand, I think... there must be something so I should try harder to understand. Sure there's tons of people not worth my efforts, but to let one slip by that is worth that benefit of doubt would be wrong for me.
People are fairly simple yet terribly complex. At least I think they are... or maybe just I am... who knows.
Anyway. I want the world to be a nicer place, eh? And you know what they say? If you want the world to be a nicer place... make it a nicer place and you will live the nicer place you wanted. Sounds good, is darned hard and yet... Here I am. Still trying to make it a nicer place. Starting of course with good old me. May not be able to change the world... but can always change your perspective, outlook, reactions, what you bring to the world's table. When you're done there, you've changed a little tiny bit of the world and if you are lucky, that change is for the better.
I'd like to think what I bring is a bit of laughter, a lot of love, and everything I've got.
It seems like it's never enough, but it's all I've got, it's just going to have to do.
I do not understand bitterness as it were... Will it make the world a better place? (nope) Will it make you happy? (not likely) Will it ease the hurt you may be feeling. (I don't think so) So then what will it get you? If what it gets you is not what you want... pour that energy into something you do want... like joy or laughter or even simple peace.
I live with bitterness though - not my own - and it steals my joy. I want to happy regardless... but when you watch someone you love dearly - make themselves miserable because of bitterness and you are caught in their angst.... joy just doesn't have that great of a chance to survive.
Being caught in the cross-hairs of someones self inflicted misery is not something I wish on anyone. It hurts and you're basically powerless. Unless of course you are that uber strong person who says - okay you want to be miserable? then do it alone... I'm outta here. (some would say strong, others would say cold as ice or selfish, I dunno... I think somewhere in between) It's just not in me though... I just keep trying for that better place thing and wonder ... will I always fail or is there hope. There's got to be hope though... so I soldier on.
It's looking though like it's taking a path I don't want to travel. I've seen this movie you could say. It doesn't end well.
The bitterness is giving way to selfishness, meanness, and double standards.
and I don't have a clue what to do from here.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
House and Home... Family and Friends... JDRF
House & Home...
I'm sitting here while they lay carpet in my a good bit of my house. I've spent the last week painting, pulling up the old carpet, prepping the floors and trying to keep things somewhat tidy. I've not been this tired in a long time. At first it was cleaning... getting all the furniture out of the rooms. Then it was prime spots that needed a bit more care. I've climbed up and down the ladder way too many times, but it had to be done. It was maybe more work than I realized it was going to be. Once I got started I just kept going - I can rest later.
I didn't do anything drastic. We have creamy walls that most people would think are booooring these days, but I'm a neutral wall color with soft accent kind of person. We don't have big rooms anyway and dark colors can make them seem smaller if done wrong. I don't care what they say on HGTV the popular dark colored walls make rooms look smaller when you stuff them full of furniture. Besides with the number of people living here, all their stuff, we get crowded easy. The living room though... I'm hoping to paint with a color. I just didn't have the time/money to get it done before the carpet. I think I'll be able to do it next month, I'll just get some of that carpet protecting stick-down drop cloth to prevent any lasting ooopses.
If I had 10k I'd have gone wood floors... :) Nice carpet will do me just fine though. It's a pretty fluffy carpet that I'll feel tons better about Zachy crawling around on. We had put a big rug over the living room floor so he had something soft and clean to crawl on for a while now. The rug will likely end up in the dining area now.
The older kids have been living a bit like vagabonds with their dressers in the garage. Every morning the trek out there to get clothes and such... hanging stuff got to stay in their closets though. (okay I painted the rooms not the closets... can't I do that later?). I still have a built in drawer project to do in the funny alcove that they put in the kids rooms. It may be a bit before I get that done. I've always got more to do... and when I run out of inside projects... there's always the poor neglected yard.
It's a long time coming. I really started this project a year ago, while working on Zach's nursery. Money was tight though and when we made the decision for Matthew to stay home with the little guy for a year - our remodel projects got put on hold. I was more important that our little one be well cared for, snug at home with the best Dad in the world. (I jokingly call him a lousey housewife... cause pushing dust around, washing laundry and dishes are not his thing. On the other hand he is an AWESOME Dad - I think that's a good trade :) Matthew goes back to work in less than a month now and the little guy will attend a church daycare where he'll be able to socialize and grow even more.
Family & Friends...
Matthew's Grandparents are in town for a visit... and for the JDRF Walk tomorrow. It's their first time to see the little man and we've not seen them since our wedding. He has the most amazing grandparents too. They are warm wonderful people who don't care that the house is in the midst of remodel they just want to see their grandson and great-grandson.
Yesterday they got a rare chance to take not only Matthew and Zachary out for the day... but Matthew's sister April was able to join them. I was working most of the day - but it has been years and years since Grandpa and Grandma had a day with just their grand kids. They've only have the two, April and Matthew... and now Zachary. So it was good all around.
They went to the outdoor mall that was built a few years ago and there's a carousel in the food pavilion.
I was able to join them for lunch a got some pictures.
Daddy... what are we doing?
Zachary, Matthew, & April
Tonight will be dinner and an early birthday party for Zachary. He's a month out from a full year, but they'll only be here this week. Matthew's mom balked at first, but it's not about gifts or anything... it's a cake and one little boy making what will probably the most delightful mess. Once in a lifetime moments you just don't pass up.
Tomorrow we will go to the walk and while the weather may not fully cooperate, the walk takes place rain or shine. In the 17+ years that Matthew has been a type1 diabetic, he's never had a family team for the walk. After last year, I promised myself we'd change that. I could not imagine though that we would have four generations walking for him this year. I'm ever so grateful. We raised a decent amount too. If there is ever to be a cure, I believe JDRF will be on the forefront of finding it. They are the only 'organization' that I know of that manages to put 85% of every dollar raised directly into research. The other 15% is used to operate local chapters that offer support and education.
This post is longer than I planned but who wants to stick to plan... when there's so much life out there?
I'm sitting here while they lay carpet in my a good bit of my house. I've spent the last week painting, pulling up the old carpet, prepping the floors and trying to keep things somewhat tidy. I've not been this tired in a long time. At first it was cleaning... getting all the furniture out of the rooms. Then it was prime spots that needed a bit more care. I've climbed up and down the ladder way too many times, but it had to be done. It was maybe more work than I realized it was going to be. Once I got started I just kept going - I can rest later.
I didn't do anything drastic. We have creamy walls that most people would think are booooring these days, but I'm a neutral wall color with soft accent kind of person. We don't have big rooms anyway and dark colors can make them seem smaller if done wrong. I don't care what they say on HGTV the popular dark colored walls make rooms look smaller when you stuff them full of furniture. Besides with the number of people living here, all their stuff, we get crowded easy. The living room though... I'm hoping to paint with a color. I just didn't have the time/money to get it done before the carpet. I think I'll be able to do it next month, I'll just get some of that carpet protecting stick-down drop cloth to prevent any lasting ooopses.
If I had 10k I'd have gone wood floors... :) Nice carpet will do me just fine though. It's a pretty fluffy carpet that I'll feel tons better about Zachy crawling around on. We had put a big rug over the living room floor so he had something soft and clean to crawl on for a while now. The rug will likely end up in the dining area now.
The older kids have been living a bit like vagabonds with their dressers in the garage. Every morning the trek out there to get clothes and such... hanging stuff got to stay in their closets though. (okay I painted the rooms not the closets... can't I do that later?). I still have a built in drawer project to do in the funny alcove that they put in the kids rooms. It may be a bit before I get that done. I've always got more to do... and when I run out of inside projects... there's always the poor neglected yard.
It's a long time coming. I really started this project a year ago, while working on Zach's nursery. Money was tight though and when we made the decision for Matthew to stay home with the little guy for a year - our remodel projects got put on hold. I was more important that our little one be well cared for, snug at home with the best Dad in the world. (I jokingly call him a lousey housewife... cause pushing dust around, washing laundry and dishes are not his thing. On the other hand he is an AWESOME Dad - I think that's a good trade :) Matthew goes back to work in less than a month now and the little guy will attend a church daycare where he'll be able to socialize and grow even more.
Family & Friends...
Matthew's Grandparents are in town for a visit... and for the JDRF Walk tomorrow. It's their first time to see the little man and we've not seen them since our wedding. He has the most amazing grandparents too. They are warm wonderful people who don't care that the house is in the midst of remodel they just want to see their grandson and great-grandson.
Yesterday they got a rare chance to take not only Matthew and Zachary out for the day... but Matthew's sister April was able to join them. I was working most of the day - but it has been years and years since Grandpa and Grandma had a day with just their grand kids. They've only have the two, April and Matthew... and now Zachary. So it was good all around.
They went to the outdoor mall that was built a few years ago and there's a carousel in the food pavilion.
I was able to join them for lunch a got some pictures.
Daddy... what are we doing?
Zachary, Matthew, & AprilTonight will be dinner and an early birthday party for Zachary. He's a month out from a full year, but they'll only be here this week. Matthew's mom balked at first, but it's not about gifts or anything... it's a cake and one little boy making what will probably the most delightful mess. Once in a lifetime moments you just don't pass up.
Tomorrow we will go to the walk and while the weather may not fully cooperate, the walk takes place rain or shine. In the 17+ years that Matthew has been a type1 diabetic, he's never had a family team for the walk. After last year, I promised myself we'd change that. I could not imagine though that we would have four generations walking for him this year. I'm ever so grateful. We raised a decent amount too. If there is ever to be a cure, I believe JDRF will be on the forefront of finding it. They are the only 'organization' that I know of that manages to put 85% of every dollar raised directly into research. The other 15% is used to operate local chapters that offer support and education.
This post is longer than I planned but who wants to stick to plan... when there's so much life out there?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)