Looking Back on 2008

What a year.

Once again it was filled with love and loss, joy and tears, life... New beginnings, unexpected endings and questions for which there are no answers...

Early on I was planning our wedding and then before we knew it planning Zach's nursery. Both wonderful blessings.

The wedding was not perfect but there were so many facets that are treasured memories. Getting to meet Jason, having Nolie there and my munchkins so supportive - those are moments that to this day bring me joy just thinking about them.

The hotel coordinator who worked with me on the wedding reception will always hold a place in my heart. She was part wedding planner and part counselor and awesome at both. At the time she and her type 1 husband were expecting their first child. Once I explained out sugar-free cheesecake plan she opened up and was blunt about what it was like living with a type 1 and the risks she knew her child would face. Her willingness take those chances were a welcome surprise as I knew I would be taking the same ones.

I've come to terms with the snafu at the chapel doors, the ridiculous pre-wedding behavior by persons who need not be named... only a bit of it still bugs me if I think about it. I want to remember only enough of the not so good bits that I behave appropriately if ever a time comes that I'm in a similar position with my children.

The issues with my pregnancy seem so simple now. We were blessed with a beautiful healthy baby boy. Briefly we had hopes Zach would have a cousin of sorts to grow up with. Heartbreakingly however, Nolie's son was born too early and left this world after just a few hours. I still cannot think of him without tears. The most amazing person I've ever known... who waited 16 years for her little one and now must go on with only his memory. I've asked why too many times and I know that if there is a rhyme or reason, I don't know what it is. Some would say it's all part of a grand plan the almighty has and others would call it fate or the roll of the dice. I don't know. Life's not fair, sure, I think we get that. Love lives on - so true. Does that kind of heartache ever heal though, I'm not too sure.

There was sobering brush with mortality just with Karen before Nolie told everyone about the baby. If ever the connection between your heart and diabetes was illustrated... It makes me twice as grateful for a great Endocrinologist who watches over us.

Matthew's best man and college room mate, Jason got engaged... so now there's a wonderful woman out there that we will one day meet, who will walk beside him. It appeals tomy sense of romance the way he mentioned her in passing, then again, and finally, it was just a matter of time.

Our holidays were a bit emotional this year. Not what we expected on some fronts and just depressing on others. How 2009 will play out from that, remains to be seen. I want to be hopeful that there will be peace in time.