Wishing won't make it so

Not that I expected it to....

What is... just is.  What is meant to be - darned if I know.  What could be - infinite possibilities.  What I'm supposed to do...  That is where I am right now.  I have no answer. 

I know what I want.  It's not my decision though.  If I just knew that it was possible or impossible - then i could make other choices... 

I've always said life was a 'choose your own adventure'.  I'm learning that sometimes it's not your choice and adventure is just a nice way of saying sequence of events you must survive.

Is it too much to want to be happy?  Probably not, but do I deserve it?  I'd like to think so.  Reality is however, that I'm allowed to be content for just so long before the choices not mine leave me bereft of any shred of happiness. 

Alone I ponder many things. 

Answers not forthcoming...