It's not quite what I'd call "life is good" but it's been a whole lot worse.

My new job is great!  I work in a building filled with people I've worked with years ago.  Some of them I've not seen in 5 years or more.  Every day I see someone that remembers me. Most of them I liked before.  My manager is outspoken, knows her stuff and I think I'm really going to like working for her. 

My birthday was a few weeks ago and my gift arrived just today - Matthew bought me a new iphone.  I've had a 3g since Zachy was born and I've loved it... the new one is even better.

The home life is still only half what it aught to be, but I  get lunch most days, dinner several nights a week and while I know I can't keep this up forever, I'll manage as long as I can. 

Zachy is a happy little man who's learned new words, makes me laugh every day all while he is heading deep into the terrible two's at just 21 months.

so life is getting there....

Wishing won't make it so

Not that I expected it to....

What is... just is.  What is meant to be - darned if I know.  What could be - infinite possibilities.  What I'm supposed to do...  That is where I am right now.  I have no answer. 

I know what I want.  It's not my decision though.  If I just knew that it was possible or impossible - then i could make other choices... 

I've always said life was a 'choose your own adventure'.  I'm learning that sometimes it's not your choice and adventure is just a nice way of saying sequence of events you must survive.

Is it too much to want to be happy?  Probably not, but do I deserve it?  I'd like to think so.  Reality is however, that I'm allowed to be content for just so long before the choices not mine leave me bereft of any shred of happiness. 

Alone I ponder many things. 

Answers not forthcoming...