Not my best year... I've said that a lot and now I'm putting it down in writing.
The year began with heartache. It seemed to be heading towards a better place and then I found a friend was not a friend. Then it was June. Six months in two sentences. The history is in the archives now. I look back no more.
Then there was good.
Once again my life was fast approaching a dark place. Nearly a decade since my last 'bad' year. I again found I had a friend that I could lean on. This time however instead of shining a light into the darkness... I was pulled into the light where darkness found no home. There were amazing moments. I can only hope they were not once in a lifetime moments but instead will be the foundation I can reflect on as I keep moving forward. Those moments weren't profound in and of themselves. They were profound in that I embraced them. I lived. In each moment. Without doubt or fear. Just lived. I can never turn back and I will never forget the pure and simple joy of reveling in moment. I did things that I never would have had the courage or confidence to do just months before... little less the years before.
Even the brightest light fades in time though and you have two choices - stand in the dark or move towards the light. That light may be so small as a penny candle of age old.. and they aren't likely still just a penny. All the same, I light that candle and watch it flicker. The darkness remains at bay. The moment of solitude is mine to hold. Looking back and standing still.
I'm standing still only long enough to find my bearings. Then forward I go. My own words keep me from standing still longer than needed. It's a temporary state and it's okay to take time but stay here I cannot. Forward is the only option.
The year ended... alone once again. Still there was unexpected news just hours before the year ended. I tried to reach out to talk through it... it was New Years Eve though and no friends were available for the conversation. Another day I'm sure... it's not like the news is going anywhere soon.
Today is a bright new day... yesterday's mistakes are behind me. (borrowed from my children's grade school creed). I've made it through. What was - is past. What is before me - who knows. I've survived all that has come before, so I'm pretty sure I can face what is up ahead.
Come what may - I'm here, I'm stronger, wiser, and maybe even more determined than ever.
2016 - Let's see what you bring.
