I don't much like holidays anymore. The always seem to end in the overwhelming feeling of loneliness.
I try to make all Matthew's and the kid's favorites, I hope for happy times... and somehow in two hours, sometimes less, it's over and the kids and I are alone again.
I've always just wanted a 'normal' life.
Want in one hand... look at what you've got in the other... yeah.
Zachy is growing, Emily turned 15 today, Seb and Calvin's birthdays are coming up in the next couple weeks. It should be happy times. I need to make them happy days.
I've had one great birthday in all my life and that was 4 years ago. Last year's was lousy, and stil I've had worse. (loosing a grandparent on my 13th, loosing so much more on my 8th...) I dare not hope for a good one. Perhaps when it's over however I can breathe again.
